➰ICY➰ Alec Lightwood♣️

➰11➰

They were right. It was ugly and painful and heart-wrenching. Watching cute, calm and nerdy Simon become a vampire was one of the sights I am never gonna forget. He looked so lost and scared that before we could even blink, he was gone with Raphael hot on his trail. This time I couldn't contain myself and I cried hysterically. Alec was there all along and he rubbed my arm with me holding onto him. All I did was chant over and over again that we made a mistake. But then I imagined life without Simon and I became suffocated. So I shut up. After the graveyard scene, we came back to the institute and piled into the meeting room without any reason really.

As I look around, I notice that everyone is deep in their thoughts. Isabelle has sad expression and her brows are creased and I see her eyes a little bit red, making me realize that she truly cares about Simon. Jace is looking sadly at silently crying Clary, not knowing what to do. And Alec is sitting next to, leaning to the table and fumbling with his fingers, a frown on his beautiful features. The air is too heavy for me to sit here any longer, so without saying anything I just stand up and leave the room.

My feet carry me automatically to the rooftop that I discovered when I was looking for Alec. The soft breeze plays with my hair as I make my way through the garden with different flowers. There is a beautiful scent surrounding the garden and it calms my nerves. I wipe my tear stained cheeks and sit on the puffy cushion on the floor, facing the city beneath. The dawn is breaking slowly, the sky crimson with the sunlight. It is breathtaking really, and I can't take my eyes off the scenery. It makes me go back to the time when everything was fine. Before my 18th birthday, before all this mess happened, before we were just Clary, Ivy and Simon. And now, all three of us are living a life we don't even want to. It was literally thrown on our shoulders and none of us knows what to do with it. It is just too much to take in and I don't know how much longer I can keep myself sane and collected.

I sigh and close my eyes. The breeze is whispering to my skin and that feeling makes me feel alive. Lately all I have done is cry and I am getting tired of this, because it is not me. I never cry, not after George, but all this shit is making me act like a total stranger and I am not liking it. A frown appears on my face and slowly open my eyes to beautiful blue ones. I take a sharp breath, but stay where I am. Alec is towering over me and looking at me with worry.

"I didn't even hear you come in" I mumble under my breath.

"You were deep in thought" he says calmly and sits down next to me, our knees touching. I don't turn to look at him, instead I lower my gaze to the sight in front of me. We don't talk for a while. His presence is enough for me to calm down my breaking heart. So I just use the situation. It is really weird and it is becoming a routine: me crying and running out, and Alec chasing after me, comforting me. The strange thing is that, it was me who started it right in this place when I decided to look for him. And after that, it seems like the bond between us kind of grew into something that I can't even name. We use each other to confront our darkest feelings and we comfort each other. I don't even know when I started growing feelings for him, whether it was the time when I saw a broken expression on his face when he saw Clary and Jace together, making me realize that Alec Lightwood was after all a human being with feelings and a heart that can be broken easily, or that time when he sat next to me in that park and told me that he would go wherever I went. But I admit now that, I do have feelings for him and I don't even know what to do with them. In this kind of situation, Alec is right about one thing: emotion is a weakness. And Alec is becoming my weakest point. Although we kissed before and he let me know that, just maybe he feels a tiny of something towards me, I am sure he doesn't want to dwell on this thing, whatever we that is.

"You know, we don't have to talk about it, Alec. It was a lapse of a moment and I... And I will understand if you say that-"

"I don't regret it, Ivy" he cuts me off calmly, making me turn to him. His eyes are clear, their color bright blue, and he is calm and sincere. I can see that he is telling the truth. But I don't know whether to feel happy or confused. If he doesn't regret it, does it mean that he feels the same way about me? He probably sees the question all over my face, because a frown appears on his face and he presses his lips into a thin line.