(Alternative chapter title: Mike is bad at social interaction)
Screw canonicity and screw trying to keep up with Scott's shit. I'm doing this my way whether it's wrong or not. So buckle up kids it's gonna get crazy. 3,840 words!
I woke up a few hours earlier than I usually did on week days so I would have plenty of time to do all the things I wanted to do. I rubbed the fresh sleep-crust from my eyes and sat up groggily. A long glare at the blaring alarm clock next to me told me that it was nine in the afternoon. Much too early for my taste, but things needed to get done!
I rolled out of bed and flopped onto the floor as usual. After a few minutes of laying on the carpet I finally managed to push myself up off the ground to slowly stand on my feet. On my sluggish trek to the bathroom I continued rubbing my eyes, the sleepiness just wouldn't go away. Yawning at the mirror, I grabbed my toothbrush and mindlessly unscrewed the toothpaste cap, idly squeezing some onto the brush. Unfortunately I squeezed it a bit harder than I thought and a coloured chunk of it fell into the sink. I stared at it bleakly, my half-asleep brain tried to find some kind of deeper meaning to the situation. However, before I could come up with a profound metaphor of how this fallen toothpaste could somehow represent something about my life, my attention was caught by something else. Out the corner of my eye, I saw the smallest bit of a bright purple colour; Whipping my head up to look at it, I nearly jumped out of my skin in surprise.
Luckily, it was just the stack of paint swatches I'd taken out of my pocket the night before. Shit. Why did that freak me out badly? My heart is racing... I sighed, looking at my toothbrush for a second; that was weird.. I wet it and brushed my teeth, staring tiredly at mirror-Mike. What a handsome guy. I spit into the sink and winked at my doppelgänger. Maybe I flexed at him a little too, honestly who's to say?
Getting dressed took less than five minutes. After all, the only thing I really needed to do was pull on some pants, slip on a shirt and grab my beanie. My shoes were by the door today, thank god. One less thing to worry about. With "breakfast" on my mind I hurried out of my apartment to search for some fast food.
I decided Wendy's was a good idea. Something about drinking a frosty right after you wake up is just magical. What wasn't so magical was all of the kids running around unattended by their tired parents. Jeez, it's only nine and these people look like zombies. I shook it off and tried my best to ignore the little girl next to me. But something about the fact that I could see her in my peripheral, just standing there and staring at me really pissed me off.
"The fuck are you looking at?" I turned to glare down at her; she looked about 9 or 10. She looked terrified of me at first, then something struck her, "That's a bad word." She folded her arms. "Well, if you don't want to hear it you shouldn't stare at people. It's fuckin' rude. Didn't your parents teach you anything? Where the hell are they anyway?" She pointed and I glanced up but didn't really care enough to actually see. "A'ight good for you, now stand over there and don't look at me, you little brat." I rolled my eyes and faced forward again, waiting on the snailfucker in front of me to hurry the hell up and get his shit.
"Hi, welcome to Wendy's-"
"Save the nice voice for her," I pointed to pissbaby pigtails behind me with my thumb over my shoulder. "Not trying to be rude but I just woke up and I really just want some coffee." The cashier looked mildly annoyed. "Will that be all?" I remembered why I came here in the first place, "Nah, can I get a frosty and some fries."
"What size?"
"What?"
"The fries and the frosty. What size do you want?"
Jesus Christ I just want my fucking food, "Eh, whatever is the biggest one I guess." They didn't seem too impressed with my answer. With a sigh they gave me a price and a receipt in exchange for my cash. "It won't take more than ten minutes."
