MILK HONEY N HENTAI

lose yourself

The more I actually write in this "book" is the more you can tell I'm in a strange place. Don't get me wrong either. If I could update every week on a regular schedule like all those other people who just might as well write fucking miracles, I would. My point is, that's rare for someone like me. Seeing that I'm writing here again, might be a bad sign; you can decide.

But anyways, I wanted to point some things out.

1) We are always at the height and the lowest point of our lives. "This is the worst day I've ever had," on the 18th, becomes the "worst day you've ever had," on the 19th. And so on. As long as we live, we will keep having the worst and happiest days of our lives.

Alright, fuck some things. I just came back to continuing this chapter.

There is always going to be a time when you're at your lowest point, but then that will change. And vice versa with how happy you are at the moment. And I think that just reminds me of how temporary things are. Now, I don't know whether or not I like the thought of that. People say shit like, "I wanna be like this forever," and forever, forever, forever.

It's depressing to think about, but I think about it in this light sometimes. Three years ago, I went through the worst shit of my life. Dramatic movie shit. A few months ago, I was rambling and crying about how shitty I was, and that was the lowest point in my life, and it was nothing dramatic like in a tv show. I just kinda thought about something and that made me feel so incredibly low. And just last week, I felt like dying. Or maybe the week before that.

I still feel like dying, of course.

Then take our happiest moments of our lives; Winning a writing contest for school by default was the happiest moment in my life, four years ago. Spiking a volleyball over the net like they did in anime, was so fucking amazing. A week ago. Meeting someone was the greatest moment of my life, two years ago.

My life changed for ever. And then it broke. 

It keeps changing.

I cry. I forget. I smile. I remember. Cry. Smile. Again.

It keeps going.

So when we dwell on our mistakes, and shit we regret, I understand. If you feel a certain way, then suddenly change your point of view again, I understand. I'll want to die again next month, next year, so badly, and I'll think about all the times I've fucked up. Even that one time in fifth grade when I cried like a little bitch over shit that didn't need to be cried over like a little bitch. And yeah, even though it was fifth grade, it will just make me feel worse. Right now, I'm thinking about shit I've done before that was overdramatic, unnecessary, and stupid. So if I comeback here talking about some deep "Lost" shit and making it as an analogy about my life, then please understand me.

We are always changing. We are naturally hypocrites.

But we keep changing.

I'll come back, and I'll be sad. I'll come back and be happy. Over the course of time, I'll get over one thing the moment another obstacle comes by, and it's a shitty, inevitable, bittersweet cycle.

So when I achieve something, or become sad again, I won't just forget the sadness, like everyone thinks we're supposed to do. I'll just know that it's there, and soon to behind me again. Then smiles will come back, and then crying will come back, and again, and again, and again.