Tempted (#Wattys2015)

Tempted:48:

Not in school? She never misses school. If she was sick with a cold she wouldn't miss school.

Oh no. What if she really is hurt? What if Manny came by? What if something happened to her?

"Not in school? Is she sick? I just...haven't talked to her."

"I know you haven't. Jess went over a little while ago to check on her. She's fine. She went to work at three."

"Right...they have her off Friday's and Saturday's..."

"Yeah...but she gets off at eight...if that helps you."

"It does, thanks."

"You're welcome."

I went back to my car, opening up the door and sat down in the drivers side.

She hates me. Bella hates me. She didn't come to school because she's been crying all day...she didn't want to.

God, I'm such an idiot. I was too scared to call her, what if she didn't answer? What if she didn't even listen to what I had to say? Hell, I don't even know what I'm going to say right now.

I can't tell her about the partying, about the drugs. I can't. She'll be gone. I'll be back to square one- before I even had her, before I had everything back, when I was all alone.

"Stupid." I mumbled, hitting my palms against the steering wheel, then tugged at the ends of my hair.

I'm screwing it up. I'm hurting her left and right, she's crying because of me, I'm pushing her away, she's convincing herself that I don't love her anymore...

"So fucking stupid." I hit the steering wheel again, burying my face in my hands.

I couldn't stop thinking about all the things she said on Saturday night...I could never forget the ache I felt when they took her, the though of them killing her. The first time I saw her...the first time I saw her she took my breath away...the look on her face when I showed up at prom and I saw her in that dress...the way she looked at me...going after her that night when I yelled at her, hearing those three words come out of her mouth that night...kissing her...holding her...loving her...

I remembered everything, and I wanted her back, I wanted all of it back, I was dying to make her happy again, and I was royally screwing up.

So why couldn't I just tell her? why was it hard? Why couldn't I ever say the right thing?

She'd be home at 8. I could talk to her then...if she wanted to talk to me, she'd let me. She's still my girlfriend, she still loves me. I can fix this.

She'd understand...she loved me with my flaws.

She loved me.

I'd go. I'd wait. I'd apologize over and over again. I'd sleep outside her door until she let me in.

Flowers, I'd get her flowers.

I could wait in the park, I could go inside and make her dinner- but that could scare her.

She liked sunflowers, but they were all dead by now...

I started my car, pulling out of the parking lot and started for Bella's apartment.

When I got there, I parked my car, locking it and started walking down the street.

Somebody had to have flowers...

It took a few minutes for me to find a place, but I did.

Daisies...sure they weren't sunflowers; but they weren't the typical roses. I didn't want to stick to that.