Is This Love ?

Tonya's pov

* Tonya's Pov *

Leaving Toya at times where I should be with her is painful. But I will never show her my weakness. She has to learn to be strong and carry on with or without me.

I can't have her get too attached.

I make my way to the car and unlock the driver door.

I get in.

Reaching behind the passenger seat for my purse, I pull out at least $150.

"What am I doing " I think to myself.

I start the engine.

I can only think of the day, that my very own husband was shot in front of me, knowing that I could've done something, runs through my mind constantly.

But exactly what?

I reverse out of the rock paved drive way and make my way towards the convenience store, where Mr. Green worked.

I remained in the car for 15 minutes, before swallowing my dignity and pride.

I stepped out making my way to the door.

The bell rung from my enter. Seeing nobody at the front counter I quickly turned away and walked out the door, until a voice caught me.

"Tonya?" It called.

My eyes widened as I turned around to meet Mr. Green's direction.

"Oh hey, I was just stopping by to pick up some cereal, I see you don't have it so I bet be on my way" I said turning around trying to escape the store.

"Hold on, wait there girl, you trying to leave so fast, I haven't even gotten a chance to admire you my love"

He walked toward me wiping his hands on his apron, smells as if he was cooking chicken.

I turned to meet his gaze.

"Well look at you, still beautiful as ever, you haven't changed one bit."

Blushing uncontrollably, I put my hands to my cheeks as they flushed with color.

"You don't look bad yourself Alton" I said checking him out.

"Oh stop, I been getting old lady" he chuckled.

"No you look handsome"

"You ain't in no rush are you now?"

"Actually I was going to go get a ..."

Alton looked at me with a disappointed look.

"No, I'm not in no rush"

" Good cause I just cooked some here chicken and I just want to see if you like it, I add a little kick to it, ain't the same ol'country fried chicken now" he chuckled.

I laughed. Haven't felt this feeling in a while, I finally escaped from the past.

He walked toward the back kitchen, as I followed.

"Here sit right here Miss. Lady, I'm going to go fix us a plate"

He pulled out the seat from a wooden table, with a vase of flowers on it.

"Thanks" I said while taking a seat.

I looked around, as I remember our memory's of this store. His Grandfather was the founder of this store originally, and then it got passed down to his father, now passed down to him. Thoughts ran my mind, can't help but smiling Alton came in to the room with two plates.

"Here you are Madam" he said, while sitting the plates onto the table.

The color of the food caught my eye, the crispy brown chicken breast, with the white fluffy mashed potatoes and the flowing water fall of tan turkey gravy, completed with the earth green asparagus, came together like a painting.

Hungry from not having breakfast at home, I couldn't wait to dig in.

"Answer me this one question" Alton stopped eating and looked at me.

Knowing what he was going to say, I started to regret coming in the first place.

"Go ahead" I dropped my fork.

"What happened to you?" He asked.

"I'm not sure what you're talking about Alton, but now's not the right time to discuss anything" I said going to reach in my plate to grab a asparagus.

"If now is not the right time, then when is it? You say so many things, but yet still say nothing, I want to know what happened to you, you weren't like this... "

Taking a bite out of the asparagus, I dropped the other half on the plate and looked at him.

"I'm not me ok? After Patrick died. I lost my life... I can't go on everyday thinking that I can bring him back, when I can't and to get away from that memory, I get wasted... "

"Tonya it's not your fault, that dude been trouble since the day you let him into your life.. You left me for someone who was running the streets and not making use of himself... You knew what time it was when you accepted him into your home. Yet and still you kept him there, instead of me, your own baby's father... I couldn't come see my daughter when I wanted to cause you was so scared he might kill me.. Now you got her coming up here in the store calling me Mr. Green, when it should be daddy! Don't pity yourself now"

Looking at how broken hearted he was I got up from the table and walked toward the exit, he followed.

"Look Tonya, I ain't meant that ..."

He grabbed my arms.

"I don't want to feel like this anymore"

Letting out all my tears I fell into his arms, soaking it up with my teardrops.

He held me tight.

"I need to be with my daughter Tonya; it kills me to know she never looks in the mirror and realizes she looks just like me"

I lifted my head up from his shoulder, and looked at him in his eyes.

"Alton, no, we can't ... it will break her heart, she would be devastated."

Not trying to hear the excuse, he let go of me and made it clear.

"Tonya this is your entire fault that I'm not in my daughter's life, either you fix it ... or she will find out some other way."

Realizing he was serious, I didn't say anything back.

"I don't want to break her heart Tonya, I just want things to be normal, I want to be able to hold you again at night, and I want to be able to make you breakfast... just do what's right."

Trying to make sense of how to plan it out, I agreed.

"Ok Alton, just give me time"

"Ok Tonya don't let me down"

Looking at him, I felt he was the one I was missing, could I be wrong?"

I turned to the door and went back home.

* IS TONYA GOING TO TELL TOYA? , SHOULD ALTON TELL HER? SHOULD THEY EVEN TELL HER?

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