April Showers [Unfaithful Rewritten]

18 | spiral

18
spiral

I was on edge.

Nate, meanwhile, seemed lost in his own world. He didn't approach my seated form on the bed, and instead let his eyes stray from my gaze as he glanced around the room. The silence was heavy upon us as he took slow, calculated steps along every inch of it, searching for something he would never find.

"I've missed this," He murmured, more to himself than to me. He stopped in front of the picture of me and my father, fingers tracing the frame. "Being here, I mean. It feels like it's been forever."

There was a fairly logical reason for that, that reason being that it had been a long time since we visited — at least a year. But with the way he said it I knew he meant more: the distance we had aged us more than our numbered days ever could.

What I said to him, though, was different. "Yep." I merely said in a clipped tone, clasping my hands together as I rested my elbows on my knees. I watched his unmoving figure warily.

He turned then, and walked over to me. Without asking, he took a seat beside me, so close that our legs were touching. The word move rested on my tongue but was sucked underneath the rising currents of my heartbeat. It was the embodiment of Murphy's Law, and though I dreaded what would happen it didn't matter because the pieces were already in place for collapse.

"I've missed you, too." He said softly, stripped from his mask. "God, I've missed you, Lily."

My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach.

"You told me that you weren't here to try and change my mind." I reminded him, my voice pained.

"I kind of lied." He admitted, lowering his head. "But I can't pretend that I don't miss you. I want you to come home, Lily. I want my family back."

My traitorous heart lurched for him, but I could only manage to shake my head slowly. "It won't happen, Nate. I need you to realize that."

"I understand it, Lily." He shut his eyes, agony spreading across his face. "I just wish I didn't."

We were silent for a while. It was agonizing to be anywhere near him; the wounds were still fresh. I dug my fingernails hard into my palm, watching as a little row of red crescent moons appeared across it. It was soothing in a way.

"If we're really going to do this," He sounded resigned, "then at least promise me one thing."

"What?"

"Don't take them away from me."

The raw desperation in his voice made me crumble inside. With each passing second, I felt worse and worse for whisking Celia and Joseph away. Part of my mind protested — it took two to tango, and neither of us were innocent.

My heart was torn. The option that was a no-brainer was saying that I wouldn't; besides the affair with Georgina, he was a good father. It was obvious how much he loved our children, and they loved him too. But the skeptical part of me took charge, asking why he hid them, and whether the vile side of him that led to his betrayal was safely tucked away forever.

Taking all this into consideration, I avoided his question. "Why did you hide them from Georgina?" I asked quietly.

He sighed heavily, but he seemed to expect the question. He knit his fingers together and stared down at them. "I thought I was doing the right thing." He let out a humorless laugh. "Relatively speaking. I didn't want them involved because I wanted to protect them."