Addicted by Zane

Chapter Nine

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I glanced at my watch, noticed it was almost 8P.M.and started to panic all over again. "Marcella, it's getting really late. Jason's going to be worried sick."

She glanced at the small crystal clock on her desk. "You're right, Zoe. It is a bit late. We've talked a good three hours."

"Yes, I can't wait to see the bill," I chuckled. " Whatever it is, it's well worth it."

I gathered my purse, coat, and gloves and extended my hand to shake hers. "Thanks so much for seeing me, and I'll call your secretary to set up an appointment sometime next week."

"You're very welcome, and make sure you do that." We shook hands, and I started toward the door. "We didn't get a chance to discuss the foundation of your addiction. Or did we?"

"Not at all. You have yet to hear the truly sickeningpart. I wanted to make sure you understood my love for Jason, how much he means to me and why he's my entire life." I lowered my eyes and started fidgeting with my gloves, trying to put them on, but I got the shakes. "Now I have to go home and make up yet another lie to tell my husband. Lie on top of lie on top of lie. That's all I seem to do these days."

"I realize you have to go, but can I ask one question before you leave?"

"Sure!"

"What exactly do you lie to your husband about?" Her eyes widened, and she seemed to be waiting to exhale until I answered. I guess the whole thing did seem a bit strange, considering I hadn't actually told her what made me an official sex addict.

"Well, did I touch upon the fact Jason's not a very passionate or experimental lover?" I asked rhetorically.

"Yes, I did get that impression. Can't you just try to work on it? It's obvious to me that you love your husband very much."

"I love Jason more than my next breath."

She grinned at me, trying to make me feel at ease. "Zoe, just because your husband can't make you see fireworks in bed and you feel your sex life is lacking something doesn't constitute sexual addiction."

I opened the door to her office, took a few steps into the waiting room, and turned to face her. For the first time, I was going to be honest with someone about what I had done. For the first time, I was going to divulge my deepest and darkest secret, one some people knew bits and pieces of, but no one understood the true spectrum of the way I did. If there were even the slightest chance Dr. Marcella Spencer could help me, I had to go for it no matter what the consequences. The alternative was tocontinue on the destructive path I was on, heading straight to hell in a handbasket. The words were barely audible because I whispered them. "Does having three lovers other than my husband constitute sexual addiction?"

The grin on her face quickly faded and was replaced by a look of astonishment. She was flustered. It took her a moment to gather her bearings while I struggled to hold back tears. We never broke our stare. "Yes, I would definitely say that makes you a sexual addict!"

"I figured as much." I diverted my eyes to the door of the waiting room, ready to get the hell out of there before I broke down for real. "Look, I really have to go. Jason's going to be climbing the walls if I don't get home soon."

She leaned on the door of her inner office, crossing her hands in front of her. "I understand, Zoe. We'll pick up from here next week."

"Kewl!" With that, I was gone. I tried to walk away nonchalantly, as if I had just told someone about the agenda for the next PTA meeting. Once I got on the elevator and pushed the button for the parking garage, I totally lost it and began wailing like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum. As the elevator descended, I kicked and hit the walls, wiping tears away with the sleeves of my suit and wishing like all hell the whole thing was a nightmare I would wake up from any minute. I knew better. It was all too real, and it was nobody's fault but my own.

While I was waiting for my black Mercedes to warm up, I repositioned my rearview mirror so I could take a good look at myself. I wanted to see what a cheating, disgusting, nasty, lying whore really looked like. " Behold, the whore!" I spoke the words aloud and startedlaughing. There I was with mascara smeared all over my big brown eyes and tears covering my smooth caramel skin. There I was with ruby lipstick smudged over my trembling lips. I hated myself at that very moment. I closed my eyes and prayed for someone to throw me a life rope.





"Zoe, where you been, baby?" The dreaded question, and I hadn't even made it all the way in the kitchen door yet.I came into the kitchen, where Jason was sitting at the table with the kids eating a Chicken Supreme pizza from Pizza Hut, and threw my briefcase on the countertop of the island. "Boo, I'm sorry I'm getting home so late. I had a problem with one of my distributors and had to hold an emergency meeting."