SATURN | PHILKAS ONE SHOTS

break [angst]

"I'm - I don't know, Lukas, I really don't." Philip words are muffled and he seems a bit calmer but doesn't move his hands from their place over his face.

"Why don't you come with me next time?" Lukas asks, blue eyes wide and bright with the hope that Philip might actually like the idea but he just shakes his head.

"I can't and you know that," He states in disbelief as if Lukas had forgotten about how his sponsors had treated Philip during their first meeting, how they had told him that Philip being at the events might distract Lukas from what was really important; racing.

"Well, what the hell do you want me to do, Phil? I can't just drop everything and stay here with you, I have a career." Lukas is growing angry now, mainly out of frustration. He seemed to be getting no where with Philip and he had no other ideas for how to make this right.

"And I get that! I just-" Philip cuts himself off with a groan, pushing his chair back and moving shut the water off since it didn't seem to be helping anymore. "I don't know what to do anymore." He leaves the kitchen and Lukas stays there, only walking toward the table and sitting at the opposite end from where Philip was just a moment ago.

At the other end of the apartment, Philip felt himself break as he shut their bedroom door behind him, hands covering his face as he fought hard to conceal the pain he felt. He lets his feet take him to the bed he shares with Lukas and collapses there, a strangled groan fleeing from his parted lips.

You should leave. What the hell are you still doing here?

Philip forces himself up from the comfort of the bed and walks to the closet and grabs the small duffle bag from off of the floor. He begins to shove enough clothes to last him a few days into it and looks around the room, wondering what he may be missing. He walks back over to the closet and lets his fingers dance over the various types of fabric. He allows himself to smile sadly as he lands on that blue-ish grey flannel that Lukas loved so much when they were in high school, two seventeen-year-old idiots in love.

He removes the shirt from the hanger and throws it in the bag, grabs a light jacket and slips his arms into the sleeves. The bag is zipped shut and Philip throws the strap over his shoulder and inches himself toward the door, not wanting to face the explanation he would have to give.

He sighs, grimacing at the way the doorknob creaks and yanks the door open since it had a nasty habit of sticking to the woodwork. He makes his way down the hall and steps into the kitchen, watching as Lukas looks up, eyes shifting to the bag.

"I'm going to stay at Helen and Gabe's for a bit." Philips voice is softer than it was a few minutes ago as he avoids looking at Lukas.

"Oh," Is all Lukas can say, not wanting to say the wrong thing and forcing Philip to stay away even longer.

"I just think it's best for both of us if we take a break, clear our heads." The words are difficult to manage as he chokes back a sob, wanting nothing more then to be held by Lukas but knows that it probably isn't a good idea.

"Yeah, okay." Philip has to force himself out of the kitchen and toward the front door, stopping and contemplating on speaking his next words aloud so he keeps them to himself.

I love you, Lukas.

Philip smiles sadly at the little farm house he has grown familiar with over the last five years, stepping out of the car. He makes his way up the front steps of the porch and knocks quietly, so quiet he is afraid it goes unnoticed. After a few more seconds, Gabe is answering the door with a grin but it falls when he sees the bag.

"Can I stay here for a few days?" Philip asks and he feels seventeen again, being face to face with his foster father.

"Of course, what happened?" He asks and Philip can see his eyes clouding and blinks the unwanted substance away.