Please, Don't ( On Hold )

Chapter 7

I'm SO SO SO SO SO sorry it's been so long :O I'm a bad bad person, I know :( I don't want to delay any further so I will put an A/N at the end :)

The Story ...

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I explained to JJ about my Dad.

It hurt. So much. Yet, it felt good to let it out.

A couple of times, I had to stop to catch my breath, especially when I told him he left. My Mom and I never talked about it. I watched it happen; she didn’t have to tell me he was gone.

I hadn’t talked about it with anyone.

I wanted to talk to Gee, but she was dating this guy from another school. She had no time for me then. When she found out, she was so sorry. She said that if I had told her, she would have been there for me. But I didn’t want to take her away from her boyfriend.

On the odd occasion I did see her, she was so happy and talked about him non-stop. How could I ruin that?

I don’t know why I let JJ in. I don’t know when, or how, it happened, but I am glad it did. Talking about my Dad was like pushing one of the bricks out of the wall around me, like a game of Jenga.

I even allowed a few tears to escape. JJ didn’t interrupt or try to touch me; sooth me. He just listened, which for me, was new.

I had been to a psychologist to talk, but I used to just sit in silence as she prodded me with personal questions. I didn’t feel comfortable with the woman and she seemed to get quite frustrated with me as the sessions went on.

I didn’t offer any of my thoughts or opinions or emotions on the subject. She didn’t give me chance to. I would listen to her as she asked a question that I knew the answer to, but didn’t want to give her the encouragement to ask me more.

Like when you’re in school and the teacher asks the class a question. You know the answer, yet you don’t raise your hand. Because when you do, they ask you another one afterwards, and you might not be able to answer to that one. It’s the fear of being faced with something that you can’t cope with.

With JJ letting my words just sink in, I realised I should stop talking. Yet I found myself unwilling to.

I hadn’t told him extreme detail. For example, I didn’t tell him that I cried for 3 days straight after my Dad left, or that I scratched him out of every photo of me and him. I missed out the part where I didn’t go to school for roughly 3 weeks, or how I used to stay awake all night and listen as my Mom would cry herself to sleep. I didn’t tell him that my cheat of a Father left my Mother for a skank who he’d been sleeping with for months behind her back.

I simply told him that my Dad left and is no longer welcome in either mine or my Mother’s life. I explained that he left on bad terms and we are better off without him. I said that I was glad that my Dad was gone.

It was all the truth.

 JJ didn’t ask probing questions. Nor did he interrupt with useless sympathy as he tried to show me that he cared when really he was thinking, ‘rather you than me’. That had been the common response when the rumours began to spread.

Nearing the end of middle school, gossip is the highlight of anybody’s day. All they do is wait for some drama so that they have something, anything, to tell. And, of course, if there is no drama, all they need is a hint of a plot before they begin to cook up a story with hardly any truth.

Although, in my case, their stories were pretty much spot on.

Before I knew it, ‘the look’ started making appearances. You know the one, where they pout and widen their eyes look upset? The whole ‘I’m-sorry-about-what-happened-but-thank-god-it-wasn’t-me’ face?

That look and then the questions.

They would huddle around me with all of their friends, nudging each other and whispering. Then, when they had the courage, one of them would blurt out a question like, ‘Is it true your Dad left your Mom for a prostitute?’ I’d answer with a simple ‘no’ but the rest of them would start to join in, asking me what did happen or if any of the other rumours were true.

It was the worst time of my life. A time where I felt abandoned, secluded, bullied.

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I'm also really sorry it's so short :S 

I've only got under 10 weeks left of high school so I have about 20 exams coming up in March, May and June so I'm panicking and revising a lot :/ 

Also, I didn't realise until about 2 weeks ago that this story is really short and yet there isn't much to go, so I assume this is going to be a short story :) I usually let my stories kind of write themselves and just go with the flow, and this one has been going near the end :L so I think about 5 chapters left, depends on how many pages I write per chapter :)

Reeeeeeaaaaalllllllyyyy long author's note, sorry about that. See you next chapter :)

P.S ... I make covers and banners, if you are interested. I have examples if you want to see how I make them first. Message me or comment? :)