The long Goodbye

Diagnosis

Honestly I couldent tell you the date or anything when I found out my nan had been diagnosed with dementia,possibly because I may of tried to block it out,I can't even remember who told me and I have quite a good memory,I think I had not noticed anything was wrong really but of course why would I?I think it's Only when you live with someone and see them every single day you would notice little irregularities are occurring,

I still visited nan and spoke to her on the phone as I always had and I genuinely had not picked up on anything but I think it's because she was not showing lots of symptoms at that time,it was my uncle who had noticed something wasn't right obviously as he lived with her,I think she started misplacing her purse and being more forgetful than she has ever been,I think her handwriting had changed too,just things that were not right so my uncle took her to see the doctor.

The memory test followed which she scored very low on,then she had the brain scan and there it was.......the sign she did indeed have a big problem,it just creeps up on you it's gradual at first not as obvious to people who maybe only have saw her once a week,I remember my family being in utter disbelief,not this fit and active healthy eighty two year old woman with the heart as strong as an ox and just mild type 2 diabetes and arthritis?how could this be?it can't be right?complete denial.

Nan was the rock of the family you see she was at the top of the tree,my dad use to jokingly refer to her as "The Godfather"like from the movie?she was the most important and respected member of our large family,she wasn't even five feet in height for goodness sake she was tiny really but one tough cookie,she was everything to all of us,and we were always at her house the front door was always open we could just walk straight in it was a home from home.

my grandad use to say "every time one of you 5 come to see us you end up staying for months"and he was right we would ask mum and dad could we stay at nans tonight?and we would be there for days or weeks or months,and she loved it,she would tell mum not to worry she loved having us stay,one would go back home and another turn up it was always the same,I think my longest time was maybe a month I think and I was still staying there up until I was about nineteen I'd go visit then get all warm and cosy and decide to stay the night,it was no big deal to nan she would get me some blankets and that was that,every time from being a child if we stayed she would always say before she turned off the light to go to bed,"goodnight angel skies see you in the morning"I would never tire of hearing that and it didn't matter how old we were she still said it,it was tradition as we all said.

There was nothing she wouldn't do for any of her grandchildren which is why I say it was like having a second mother,she was fun loving and happy and positive,I never ever saw her sad or miserable and she never moaned,she really was perfect honestly if she did have faults I never saw them,she loved us she was so caring and understanding she was not only my nan she was my friend,I would visit and she would say "come sit by me love"she would say "how are you chuck"(I loved it when she called me that)if there was ever anything wrong she knew,she would say "what's up love?"there is something wrong?she was always right,I couldent of got a more perfect grandmother,and I know my four siblings felt exactly the same way.

So do you see how it wasn't a normal grandmother/granddaughter relationship?and why it affected me as badly as it did?she literally was "supergran"there are hundreds more memories I have of my childhood with her and as an adult I'm so glad I've got those,so the initial shock of hearing the heartbreaking news about Nan turned into absolute fear,when would it get worse?how long?what could we do?what can they give her to make her better?.

Of course I knew what medication gets given to the elderly with dementia but I didn't like the effects of some of them,I didn't want her asleep all the time and drugged up to the eyeballs.

I know that's not always the case with everyone but I wasn't really thinking straight then,I was thinking too far ahead, I remember nan taking it quite well you know,no tears or anything just a kind of acceptance I suppose I mean what could she do?she wasn't a worrier though but I think she kept things in to always protect everybody else,two of my other sisters have worked in the care sector as I and they kept saying but I don't understand how she got it?she's too old to get it?she's eighty two,nobody gets it at eighty two,well so we thought.

But honestly we had never seen an elderly person of eighty two start with dementia through our time in the care sector that's the truth,it was always people much younger as I said previously fifty up too seventy five maybe but never eighty two,I actually think my sisters thought anybody of eighty two could never possibly get it but they certainly can we just never saw it until nan started with it.

You can never say never with this disease though,I don't think any of my family ever really accepted she had this disease at first so things pretty much carried on as they were before,I visited more and obviously I'd observe her whilst I was there and there literally was only a few things at that time that I picked up on,I was sad yet pleased at the same time because I thought well she is only at the start of it she is still the same nan for now and I'm going to make the most of things,I'm glad that was my attitude rather than sitting there crying or staring at her getting all morbid and reflecting because she didn't need it and neither did I,she was acting like nothing was wrong so I thought so can I.

But you do have to keep some sort of normality,especially when there's the being a diagnosis,life doesn't end there when you are told the news you have to get on with your life as best you can and more than anything I think we wanted normality for nan,this was about her,this life changing news must of hit her hard surely she must of been scared but she never showed it,well not then she didn't,scarier times were ahead but not for a while,I think we all lived in a bubble a bubble we didn't want to burst because what would happen once that protective bubble was gone?we would all have to face up to what was to come but for now our "supergran"was okay and that was all that mattered,we would cross that other bridge when we got to it one day at a time................one day at a time