A Work In Progress

boys...

I decided to begin with the topic of boys because I have come to realize that they come and go. Not all but most. During my teen years I never had a boyfriend. So what that means is I shouldn't have much to say but knowing myself you should still probably grab a cup of tea or a glass of wine because we could be here awhile.

I'm going to divide this section into three parts. Part I will be about the close friend I had a crush on. Part II will be about the crush that taught me the most. Part III will be my advice.

...

Part I - 

I first realized I had a crush on this close friend a few weeks into our friendship. By no means was it a full blown crush but I was a naïve high schooler and I thought he was cute so I was definitely attracted. He treated me kindly and actually listened to what I had to say. (I'm naturally a very talkative person so for someone to hear everything I said it meant something.) 

During our junior year we didn't really talk very much. We said the occasional hey but he was busy with new friends and I was trying to not have mental breakdowns due to geometry. Imagine this: two people went from being really close friends to not talking at all and it felt like it happened overnight. However, by the end of my senior year we had gotten close again. The crush made a comeback (DUN, DUN, DUNNNN) and it was still very one-sided. By the end of high school though I had managed to brush it off because I was still able to learn something from that one-sided crush.

Part II -

During my junior year a close friend of mine and I had math together. We sat at the very back of the class because I would read during that class and didn't want to get caught. At some point I noticed the cute boy in front of us with his friend. I knew who he was but we never really talked. (My high school was small and people stuck to their group of friends but by no means was it cliquey.)

I remember that one of our first conversations had to do with a book that I was reading on Wattpad. He was interested in the story and I found that I was comfortable talking to him about the story. We began texting and soon my crush developed. My chemistry teacher knew I liked him and she thought it was so cute. Aside from elementary school I had never gone to school with a crush so this was new.

It was soon after this crush began to develop that he left school. It was like a breeze on a hot summer day. Rare and unexpected. We continued texting and summer soon came. He brought me a birthday card and a gift to my house for my 17th birthday. He will forever go down as the boy to do something unexpected for me on my birthday. It was a sweet and simple gesture.

I then stopped talking to him.

Senior year at the end of the first semester he showed up again. I was confused especially because he wouldn't talk to me let alone even look my way. After having a conversation with my mom she said that maybe I needed to be the one to reach out to him. Side note: Ladies, boys don't have to be the one's to always make the first move. Once the conversation started I learned that he wasn't speaking to me because of how I had abruptly stopped talking to him but also because someone had said that I made a comment about him that was really inappropriate but also incredibly rude.* Although believed the person we managed to talk about it and then move on from the situation.

He asked me to be his date to prom. I think he did it because I wanted to go. He wasn't very big on school events. Prom was also not like the movies. I didn't get my slow dance. I did however end the night with a broken heart and a vase full of red roses back home.

I don't think that I was in love with him. But I do know that I did have some type of love for him. I cared for him but our communication was always off. About a week or two after prom he left school again. We weren't talking so I never found out why. A few months after he left we finally managed to talk and got everything out in the open. We wished each other the best.

*I will not be mentioning every single detail due to how I'm putting this online. Also, it would be an entire novel and it's been like 3 years so my memory isn't as clear.

Part III -

My advice when it comes to boys is simple. Don't spend all your time worrying about whether or not he likes you. Don't be so caught up on why he doesn't like you and why he likes the other girl. Having the attention of one boy or several doesn't define you or your worth. What the crush on my close friend taught me is that one-sided crushes are totally okay because then you can remain friends and laugh about when person a liked person b. What the crush on my prom date taught me is that no matter how much we want something to work out sometimes two people just aren't meant to be. That's okay. Just because something doesn't work out it doesn't mean you can't care for them and wish them the best. He knows that I hope the finds someone that makes him happy. Another piece of advice is be nice. From personal experience I know that sometimes it's easy to act mean or play defense when you like someone but take it easy and remember that being nice is always easier. I'm still on my road to finding my "Prince Charming" and I'm okay with it taking its time. I believe that good things take time. Till then I'll continue having waiting for a 19-year-old Ryan Gosling look-a-like.