Embrace Yourself

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Written by: KaleiaPierce

My life's a bit of roller coaster. I was depressed in 2013. I did somethings I'm not proud of. I kept it all bottled up and the tiny scars show it for now. I've only ever told one person, someone I knew for three days and will most likely never see. He didn't really care and end he's probably forgotten now, he's a really good friend from overseas.

The scars are unnoticeable. Well to everyone else. To me, they are constant reminder of how foolish I was. I now wish I had told someone but I've always been bad with feelings- I pretended everything is fine until the time comes when it actual is again. I guess part of my depression was a deep longing things I didn't have: good friends, the perfect body or life, my parents still together.

2014 and 2015 were new levels. They were better. I'd still have low moments- moments of harming myself, moments of starving myself because despite how much I tried to convince myself that I was happy and body positive I most definitely was not. But then I'd binge and feel even worse so I stopped that. About March through to about mid August last year, I had insomnia. I was no longer depressed. Just so fatigued that I never had any energy. I began to worry. I became quite anxious all the time. Would I sleep? How long? Why was the person doing that? How was I doing at school? Everything played on my mind all the time.

This year the anxiety is still there. Last week I wrote everything I was feeling down and afterwards I felt a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. This week has been such a good week. I've been genuinely happy- not forcing it upon myself.

I guess one of my flaws are my scars and they make me imperfectly perfect because they are scars. They are not pretty. But now I'm learning from them. I look down and hate how powerless I was to social media. How weak I was. I thought I was strong dealing with it myself. But they made me weak. Having them there for me to see really puts things into perspective and how I'm happy. My scars are perfect because they are a part of my past, one I won't forget. They are showing how far I've really come. And I'm insanely proud of that.

They help me to realise that it's actually okay not to be happy every single minute of the day. I can let myself feel happy, sad, grumpy, tired, lazy, content, annoyed. Happiness can not be forced. It has to be believed. My anxiety makes me imperfectly perfect because it shows how imperfect I am. It shows extant of my feelings even. I am human. I have flaws. I learn from them and I embrace them. Stand up against social media and be strong- be you! This is my story, embrace yours. X

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