I'm An Actress

Mirror Monologue

A/N: This is my dream monologue that I wrote for myself and have been developing and revising since forever... Basically, it has the fullest effect seeing yourself say it in a mirror (hence the name), but is meant to be a speech to another person. Technically it's not a monologue for that last bit, but I like the alliteration and connotation offered from the idea of something written for or to yourself. It was written for a girl, due to the fact that I wrote it for myself and also the adjectives used typically describe a female. This would theoretically be used after a fairly heated argument sequence, in which Actress A (most likely a fairly 'don't be emotional, conceal don't feel don't let them know' type character with low self-esteem, but  a very driven and serious demeanor) is angrily told to explain her actions and personality type by a frustrated Actor/Actress B who has asked many times before.

Actress A: [staring intensely into the eyes of Actor/Actress B with a serious, but close to tears face] [intended to be said directly, else dramatically blocked] You really want to know why? Fine! [swiftly turns away and then looks back again in actress's own time] Look, I will never be able to prove to myself that I'm pretty. [stammering] I-I don't look... l-like pretty looks. Not to me. And honestly, I don't foresee a day where I will. I can't look into the mirror and prove to myself that I'm pretty, but... But I can prove to myself that I am smart. [articulately] That I am an intelligent and perseverant learner. I can prove to myself that I am kind, that I love, that I devote time to others. That I am strong, that I have survived loss and battles and all kinds of crap. I can prove to myself that I am diligent and brave, that I dealt with my share of the world and that I [voice breaks] mean something, [quickly, but strongly] if only to myself. [pause, Actor/Actress B is still inquisitive, and awaits the meaning] [more quiet-yet fiercely emotional, battle worn; it has been recited in Actress A's head alone thousands of times] I may never be able to prove to myself that I am pretty, but I live every day so that even God knows I will always be able to prove to myself that I am beautiful. [pressumably followed by either an affectionate and understanding gesture from Actor/Actress B or a dramatic exit from Actress A]

Meaning: This entire monologue focuses on a derivative of the pretty/beautiful complex, where a female character has in some fashion traded the pursuit of conventional outward attractiveness for the pursuit of inner beauty, once realizing she cannot (at that time) convince herself of her own "prettiness".