feelings that i feel + destiel

6

"do you really think that i can fight my demons? demons with black eyes, tried so many times. to cast them away,  the sand is where i lay. i think about my hopes and dreams, how many times my heart has been shattered, the direction where the sun gleams. why do i deal with these things? the curse and the sadness this darkness brings? it lingers, it lingers, all the way to my fingers. love isn't easy, and i don't want it to be cheesy, i'm just saying how i feel, really. these feelings that i feel, why are they so fucking real? i'm not supposed to feel any, but why does a certain blue eyed boy make me faint? he makes me somebody that i ain't. at this rate, what's lost, is my fate. these real feelings are shit, can i "un-feel" them just for a little bit? as my heart stars to rot, heck sure mr. c and i did a lot. he ditched me for his other half, he was smitten by her obnoxious laugh. close my curtains and accept the fact, that a smile and laugh is what i lack. does she really mean anything to you, oh blue eyed beauty? is this real, are you facing reality? please, don't be dumb, please, love me, mr. c. i don't want to be one of those peope who kills themselves for love, but its the choice they want including the angels above, but i gotta stay strong for my sam, even if i have to push myself, even if i have to ram. he keeps my alive, he takes care of me. you said we were going to be friends always, but promises are meant to be broken, anyways."

sam read the note as dean was fast asleep. there were tears on the note as well, scrambling the writing a bit, but he could still read it.

did dean really feel that way?

did he really love castiel?

did castiel really steal his heart?

"good night, dean," sam patted his head, and went downstairs.

he was going to talk to castiel if it was the last thing he did.

overprotective!moosebrother is my fav

- ally is ruined