Different Than You [Cricky]

My Problem

This is my first band fan fiction! Don't judge if it sucks!!

||Ricky's P.O.V.||

Hi. My name is Ricky Olson. I play guitar in the band Motionless in White. For a while now, things have been normal like any other group of friends in a band.

Of course I've been through shit in my life. It's typical. Attempted suicide has really fucked me up over the years. Luckily I have my band here to comfort me. They all make me happy. I know the band has been through a lot of changes with people such as TJ and Angelo leaving. They were my best friends. They seemed to always know the right words to tell me when things got shitty.

*flashback*
"Ricky, it's okay. Stop cutting yourself. Please." TJ pleaded.
I continued to slit my wrists as I stood over my kitchen sink. I had let TJ stay at my place for a while after I moved out of Chris's apartment. God was TJ the nicest guy ever. I hate he had to see me like this.

I was fucked up. I couldn't live with myself anymore. I just wanted to be normal.

TJ continued his pleading for me to stop cutting as I fought him away but then his next words hit home hard.
"Ricky, I love you. I don't want to see you lose your life over self harm. Without you I'm no one. Please, just put the blade down."

I continued to sob in despair but I obliged and put down the blade. My wrists were a bloody mess.
TJ just grabbed me in such an embrace that I really meant he cared about me. I sobbed into his chest as my blood from my wrist dripped down his T-shirt. I just wanted to die, but I didn't want to leave my caring friend behind to miss me with pain to hold on his shoulders.

For what seemed like forever, he stood there hugging me as I cried my eyes out wishing for something I couldn't have. To just be normal.

*flashback ends*

I was caught in my own thoughts then I heard someone from the front of the bus call my name. That voice belonged to Balz, our keyboardist. We were currently touring in the states and I enjoyed every bit of it.

I opened my eyes as I felt the curtains of my bunk being snatched opened to see his face staring at me. "Well, what the fuck are you doing just lounging. We have business to do and we don't need you to mess up this sound check." Balz said, a little annoyed at me.

I sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Hurry up. The guys are waiting outside at the venue." He still sounded annoyed as he left my bunk and went back up to the front of the bus. We had a show to do in about an hour.

I quickly got up but bumped my head. It was probably from my mind being so clouded with so much stuff to keep up with. I couldn't even keep up with myself.

*flashback of two years ago*
I was at a local Walmart that was a few blocks from where Chris's apartment was at. I was picking up a few things. I made my way over to the hygiene and personal care area.

I passed through the makeup aisle to the back and glanced at "them". I stood there looking at those little bastards before grabbing my usual brand and dropping them in my basket. A nearby customer was gawking at me weirdly. He was appearing to be grabbing some condoms or whatever, which was next to my hygienic tools. I glared at him a bit and hurried away feeling embarrassed. I knew my face was bright red by the way other customers were shooting odd looks at me. I couldn't wait to get home.

*flashback ends*

I rubbed my forehead as I got up and walked into the bathroom to fix my makeup as quickly as possible. I left out and went back to my bunk to grab my pack of cigarettes and then I headed to the front of the bus.

As I got off, I could already see my band members somewhat angered expressions due to me being late. God I was such a fuck up. First, I'm not like them. Secondly, I'm always the one people pick on. Whatever.

"Took you long enough." Balz scoffed.

"I know. I'm sorry, Balz." I stated blandly.

"Are you okay? It seems like something has been bothering you. Wanna talk about it?" He asked, concerned.

"No. I'll be fine. Let's just get this sound check over with." I said with a sigh. From the corner of my eye, I could see Chris looking at me. Fuck. Why did I find it a little embarrassing to see him looking at me? I don't know. Maybe it's because he's the only one that knows about my problem and he thinks I'm a weirdo. So much for him finding the evidence in his bathroom garbage back when I use to stay with him. I hope he doesn't remember that!

We headed inside the building through the side doors. As we made it inside the room, I reached for my guitar so that I could tune it. I could hear Chris warming up for his vocals. Why was his voice so comforting to me? I mean, the guy does have a nice voice and badass growls, but damn. I shook my head as if to physically clear my thoughts as Ryan, our other guitarist, made his way over to me.

"Ready to go for tonight?" Ryan asked, sounding all enthused.

"What?" I asked, sounding dumb.

"The show? Tonight? Have you forgotten?" He started eyeing me weirdly.

"Oh, heh. Sure thing. I'm all set." I lied. Was I really ready? I'm constantly caught in my own thoughts and we still have three more weeks on tour. God I don't think I'll last.

-----------------------------------------------
*time skip to the show because I'm lazy*

We were performing our last few selected songs. Right now we were playing "Immaculate Misconception" and we were all rocking our asses off. Playing for fans always made me feel so much better and to just forget about all my problems.

Right as a swung my dark hair out of my face, Chris came to put his arm around me. I sang along and I swear my cheeks began to burn. What the fuck was it about him that I all of a sudden enjoyed his company lately? As he walked away to do other stunts, my cheeks were still burning.

After performing, "Abigail" and "America", I was drained but happy. I could hear speaking to the fans about enjoying their excitement and all and how they keep the band alive.

When he finished talking, I headed straight to the back and gave my guitar to one of the guitar techs then I went outside for a smoke.

I stood there puffing on my cigarette just trying to clear my mind. I leaned back against the building and closed my eyes. Before I could even get real lost in my thoughts, I heard the door open and snapped out of my trance to see Chris looking at me.

"Hey. The guys and I are going to go get some chicken wings. Wanna come?" He asked.

"Uh, sure." I stomped on my cigarette to put it out then I followed him back inside. We talked all the way until we got to the restaurant and it felt normal—as always, I suppose, but something was really rolling through my head all the while. Did he really have some sort of effect on me? Nah. We're best friends.

After we ordered our food, we decided to stay there and eat. Balz rambled on about him and Ryan-Ashley opening their new shop and everything. I just sat there eating and found myself staring at Chris.

I guess he noticed as well and smiled at me. His smile was like heaven!
"Hey, Rick. Are you okay? You seem 'out of it'." He teased.

"I'm fine. I swear. I'm just tired." It wasn't really a lie because I was tired as fuck.

He nodded in understanding, and the rest of the time there, we all talked.

A/N: How do you guys like it so far? Be sure to comment with feedback and vote if you liked it! Thanks!