radiance | baekhyun

35

roma took a deep breath.

"what are you sorry for? i'm fine."

lie.

her question was attempted to be strong, spoken with conviction, but her voice was shaky and on the verge of breaking, thick with apprehension.

"because, i just," baekhyun started. he leant forward, breathed heavily, stared right into her. "i just left you. and didn't tell you why. and it was a shitty thing for me to do."

roma twiddled her fingers. looked down.

the sun slanted in through the broken blinds.

"i didn't realise there was a particular reason," she exhaled, speaking quietly. trying to be brave and confident, again: failing.

roma thought to herself, for what must have been the millionth time since she'd met him, how beautiful baekhyun was. the image gnawed at her comprehensive thoughts. despite his evidently sleep-deprived state, baekhyun's eyes glistened with moisture and shone brightly in the dawn light. the creases resting in his skin outlined his dimples, his hair falling across his face. his white shirt was unbuttoned at the top.

a large and worrying purple bruise protruded from beneath the white material, colouring his shoulder an angry, dark shade.

"i thought you just left because of the night b-before. after what we'd done, i-i thought, maybe, you didn't like...i mean, i don't know." roma muttered under her breath, her cheeks blushing crimson, heat rushing to her face.

eyelashes fluttered.

"what?" baekhyun replied sharply, confusion lacing his tone.

roma looked up. his eyes were furrowed, an incredulous look forming on his lips.

embarrassment crept up her neck, and stopped her from looking at him. again, she was reminded of his soft hands and over-encompassing kisses, all over her, telling her that it was okay. bare skin on bare skin. she turned a darker red.

"i mean, i don't know, i've never...i don't know if that's w-what you n-normally do. you know. w-with other girls."

pathetic.

roma bravely glanced at him, connecting her eyesight with his, taking in the breath-taking view of his face. she gasped slightly, when baekhyun suddenly grabbed her hand within his warm hold. his calloused fingers were rough against her skin, and her heart beat faster than ever. and the electricity ran up and down her forearm.

"do you really think that's why?" baekhyun asked quietly.

roma bit her lip.

she could see that baekhyun's expression was different. perhaps because of the assumption she'd just made of him. roma couldn't help it; in the morning light, she felt so insecure in her thrown-on clothes. in their rush to leave the house, she'd only just managed to pull on a pair of shorts, her work shirt still stuck to her body with the heat from yesterday.

next to him, she felt like nothing. plain and boring. long, brown hair and pale skin and dull features. baekhyun's eyes shone with a sincerity that touched her; she felt it, making its way into her, that warm feeling rising up from her stomach.

not again.

"i don't know what i think," roma admitted in a whisper.

she gulped down the lump in her throat.

"roma--"

"what am i supposed to say?" she suddenly said. baekhyun stared at her. "you tell me...because i don't know if i did something wrong, or if it's me, and, like. the last few days, before whatever happened, were just so, i don't know, amazing--i mean, for me, anyway. and i don't know if we want the same things, or if i'm supposed to just pretend that you having this"--she struggled for the right word--"power or whatever, changes anything. i'm just--"