BACK TO MUMMY
Ian was only nineteen and had never broken up with anyone before, but it came as no surprise when Roger said he was leaving. They had not made love for nearly two months, rarely ate together, and except at night when they slept in the same bedroom in the two single beds in the furnished flat they rented in a big old house, they spent hardly any time with each other.
The situation had been very different when they moved in; then they had been full of new found love for each other, and they delighted in spending time together. The change had not come about because of a row, Roger had just drifted away. He became fed up with the quiet pub they used to go, with the music they used to listen to, and with the things they used to do together. Now Roger’s showed every day by his manner that he was fed up with anything that meant spending time with Ian. He had found new places to go where he did not want him tagging along, new friends and, Ian supposed, a new lover.
One evening when there was no food in the flat for dinner they could not agree on whether to buy take-away fish and chips or a kebab, and they both lost their tempers and told each other they could not bear sharing the flat any longer. They divided the household necessities they had bought between them, and Roger hired a van to move his things out. Ian had not asked him where he was going, he preferred not to know. He felt that Roger was being unfair. He had never said what had gone wrong or why he no longer wanted to be Ian’s boyfriend, denying him the chance to put things right, or at least to talk about their situation. All Roger had said was that he wanted have fun, to meet new people, and he went out without Ian until there was nothing left of their relationship except that they still shared the flat.
'You'll soon find someone else,' Roger told him as he was leaving. 'You're easy to live with; anyone could get on with you.'
Anyone, but not you, Ian thought. He seemed to have three choices. He could try to find another flat-mate, but he had been told awful stories from others who had done that. A new flat-mate who had seemed nice at first turned out to be on drugs, or to be a thief. His second option was to could find somewhere cheaper to rent and be on his own, but he would probably be able to afford only a small bed-sitting room. Or he could go back to living with his mother. He was not keen to go back because it would be such an admission of failure, but at her house he would only have to pay for the cost of his keep and he would be able to save some money for the future, perhaps for a fresh start with someone new. When he spoke to her she seemed quite happy with the idea of his going back to her.
He had noticed that she seemed quite happy about most things recently, and he hoped she was at last getting over his father's death. When he explained that he and Roger had fallen out she said at once that, if he wanted to move back, he would find everything in his old room was just the as it was before. 'You're still young, people think they can take advantage of you,’ she added.
On his last day in the flat, while he was packing when the phone rang. He let the answering machine take it and listened to the message as it was being recorded. 'Hi, this is Roger. We are still friends, I hope, no hard feelings? Can we meet and have a drink sometime? Give me a ring.'
Seeing Roger again would only make him feel worse. He was not sure if that meant he had hard feelings, but the boy he had hoped he would be spending his life with had walked out on him. How was he supposed to feel?
At work he had told them only that he was sharing a flat with a friend, not that he was gay and living with a lover, so there were not too many awkward questions when he said he was moving again. Even so the lady in personnel seemed to think it quite funny and said mockingly: 'Oh, so you've gone back to Mummy then?'
Life at home quickly settled into an easy and familiar routine of meal times and shared chores. When he first offered his mother the money for his week’s keep, she said, ‘You don’t have to pay me straight away if you’re short. If you’ve got things still to pay at the flat or anything, we could leave it for a week or two.’ He realised then how glad she was to have him back. When he had first left, she seemed to be in a bad move whenever he went to see her because she always said something critical about the way he looked or in answer to something he told her, but after a few weeks she was more relaxed. He thought she must have got used to not having him at home. He was grateful she did not resent him being in the house again.
