Proud

Mondays

I wandered through the empty hallways, past the cold faces of each of the lockers and the still, lifeless classrooms, just listening to the sound of my own echoing footsteps and contemplating how relaxed I was at the fact they were the only steps I could hear. I loved getting to school early. Not the act of getting up, travelling on the ever-busy buses, or even the part where I am at school, but the fact I am completely alone. There is nobody to taunt me, to jeer, no one forcing me to pretend to be somebody I am not. The relief from this always overwhelmed me, every day.
I stopped by my locker and opened it, before emptying the contents of my bag hurriedly into it: four bent and frayed science and maths textbooks; three notebooks doodled on from cover to cover with post-it notes sticking haphazardly out of the side; my keys along with some loose change, a half empty packet of roll-up cigarettes and a small bag of weed. I decided against leaving that in plain sight and pushed it out of view into a small pocket in the front of my bag, along with the cigarettes and house keys. Then I poured the change into my purse and began re-packing my bag for the long day ahead. Maths, Biology, History, Drama, Spanish and Music. Bloody brilliant.
The first people began drifting through the main doors, chatting happily to friends, giggling, revising. I remained silent, slung my backpack over my shoulder and pulled my beanie lower over my ears and mousy, unkempt hair. Then, rather unexpectedly, I looked up and saw my gaunt face in the mirror I foolishly kept on the inside of my locker. The bags under my eyes were heavy and set, and the acne across the top of my forehead was making a comeback, I had a nasty bruise forming on my left cheek, accompanied by a small cut and a lack of self esteem.
I sighed to myself and kept my head low, remaining facing my locker until the shrill bell sounded and I had to go to maths. Without looking back, I slammed my locker door shut and twisted the combination lock before trudging off to my first class of the day, reluctantly contemplating just skipping class and never going home to face the consequences. It almost seemed worth it. But something told me, not today.
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I was sitting alone in the back of the class, when a sudden murmur broke out across the room. As I had not been listening to a word the teacher was saying I had no idea what the outburst was about - that was the one drawback to paying no attention: whenever anything interesting happened, you tended to miss it.
I resumed my doodling: mostly of pistols and smoke as I found those the most interesting to draw, but was cut short by the entrance of a person into the classroom.
She was new here, although I may have been wrong as I didn't know very many people - at the very least she was new to the maths class. Her hair was in a short, wavy bob, with a slight tint of blue over the natural blonde, as though she had just removed some permanent hair dye herself instead of going to a salon. She was smiling confidently but I couldn't help but notice the angst and worry hidden behind her eyes and features as it was the same fear that filled me when I walked into a room full of people. She was terrified.
Nobody else seemed to notice, however, and the teacher went on to say:
"Everyone, this is Natalia. She has recently moved to the school and as many of you have noticed, this is her first maths lesson with us. I'm sure you will all be very welcoming as she is settling in these first few weeks."
There was a threatening tone to his words, particularly the last bit. Everyone nodded, good as gold. Not for long.
Then I realised something. The only seat left in the whole room was next to me. Others noticed too, and began to giggle and sneer in pity as she made her way through the forest of chairs and desks to her new seat.
"Hi, I'm Nat." she said, smiling again. I could see how nervous she was still, and I don't know what came over me. Like an idiot, I blurted,
"Hi Nat, I'm Pip. I know you're nervous, and to be honest, so am I. I'm not good with people. But you'll get on with everyone, I'm sure, because you seem really confident. Also I love your hair, was it blue recently? I've always wanted to dye mine..." I mumbled, stopping myself before I could say anything else stupid. I could feel my face reddening with embarrassment, and I just wanted to bury it in my notebook. Forever.
Then she did something really weird. She laughed. And even stranger, she replied.
"Thank you, I am actually terrified. Like, pissing myself internally. That's gross sorry. And my hair was blue, but I moved in with my step-dad who hated it and made me take it out. I'm really missing it actually. And I love your name! Pip is such a cool name, I feel like Nat is really weird. Less weird than Natalia I suppose..."
I couldn't help but laugh in surprise. Someone who is more than tolerable, in fact really sweet, had replied to me. Out of choice. Holy shit.
I smiled at her, and looked up at the teacher who had just cleared his throat. Oops, he was looking at us. We shut up for a while, until the bell rang for 2nd period.
"Can I sit with you at lunch? You seem really nice and I don't want to eat on my own. Had enough of that at the last place, y'know?" she asked, a look of hope on her face.
I knew exactly what she meant.
"Of course, I'd love to eat with you! See you then?"
"Sure thing, thanks Pip!" She waved fleetingly before hurrying off to her next lesson. I smiled to myself and began to walk to Biology. Suddenly it was all a lot more bearable, enjoyable even. Who would have thought one person could make such an impact on me?