roberto & nia

04. nia+robert

on sundays robert and his mother go to church. many people go to church on this particular day, in the same exact moment – midday mass and the cathedral of saint matthew – but it was special because his mother dressed up, clothed in orange and purest white, with wide gold earrings swinging near her neck; and he wore the midnight blue tux she had bought him fourteen years ago for his second birthday, his favorite color, simply because he had wanted it, and his father wouldn't buy it for him – and donuts were sold outside the doors when the mass let out. everyone smiled, except the people that couldn't. something about Jesus that made things easier to deal with.

they sit with xavier's family in the seventh pew on the right side, directly beside a stain glass window depicting the virgin mary with all the angels hovering over her, the baby Jesus sleeping in her arms. 

when father johnson rises form his man's high chair and floats to the pulpit, xavier's sister kiana leans over and taps his arm. 

"hey, do you know what's going on?"

"hm?"

"like, do you pay attention during this part?' she asks, gesturing with her pointed black nails to father johnson. "does any of it sink into your brain?"

"kind of," robert says passively. kiana asked questions like this every sunday, and every time he responded the same way: sort of. sometimes. sure.

she shakes her head, a smirk on her lips. "i used to. and then i grew up, robert. and boom, God escaped me, my world is throttling into el infierno, i have two friends, one is a certified therapist, and i'm living all alone in some apartment in some foreign city where people call me a negress behind my back. i call it the curse of being twenty."

robert stares at her strangely. one million questions arising in his mind–why did you go so far away? what's wrong with her world? why did she talk to much in church, in the silence, where her voice lingered like the sound of glass hitting the ground, like a gun with the silencer off? why did she come to church if she didn't believe in anything? but then he remembered that sometimes he couldn't answer this question, so instead he asks, "do you like the stain glass? you don't have to like church to like stained glass."

kiana snorts, covering her mouth with her hands. "yes, robert, i like the stained glass. can't say it's realistic, though. mary's a lucky girl."

robert doesn't understand what she means by this, but nods anyway. and then: "does xavier think the same thing?"

"what? that all of this is just a strange way of coping with harsh realities?" she says loudly. her mother pierces her with a glare from the end of the pew.

"yeah," robert asks uncomfortably. "or does he believe in it?"

"well," she responds slowly, looking deeply at xavier sitting with his mother, his eyes fixed on something or someone on the left side of the room. an alter boy blinks his eyes twice, staring unwaveringly back.

"he believes in a cosmic goodness. and he believes most of all in the people that believe in God. ask him about it. i dare you."


• • •

the service closes the same way each sunday: with the Blessing and the holy water dripped on the congregation like indoor rain, and the Big Amen, releasing the holy people out into the evil world.

"i'm giving you ten minutes to socialize before we leave, okay, diez minutos," his mother says, whisking him away with the sleeves of her blouse flowing behind her. "i need to speak to kiana and father johnson briefly, and then we'll go. tell xavier i say happy sunday."

kiana presses her lips into a tight smile before rising to join his mother. xavier waves her off, and then slides down the pew to join him.

"my man," xavier says smiling, shoving his shoulder. "the one and only, robert of the rose."

"and the forever unlegendary, xavier wilson of the nothing," robert responds, jostling him back. "happy sunday. thanks for having my lemonade the other day."

"no problema, my man," he brushes him off. "it was good. i'm sure you had hella customers after me."

again, the memory of the weightless twenty appears in robert's mind. "yeah. hella."

xavier smiles again – he is always smiling, with his cheeks spread apart, his face bright enough for you to think he'd swallowed the sun, or downed some shots a couple minutes before – flickering his eyes towards the crucifix above them, flowers fluttering by Christ's crucified feet.

"hey, xavier? i got a weird question to ask you," robert begins. this was the time. xavier was honest to his fault; ask him to tell you one thing and the pages of his life would spill out like honey from his lips.

"shoot," he says, still grinning. "anything for my man of the rose."

"why do you come to church? like, do you believe in all this?" he gestures just like kiana, to the crucifix, the books sitting on the alter, the rosary beads hanging off the ends of pews.

"of course i do," he says quickly. "don't you? kiana's starting that atheist shit again, isn't she? don't let it get into your head."

"no, no she wasn't," robert says defensively, rubbing his hands together. "she said you did. i was just wondering–she said you believed in the people that believed in God, too."

and here–the smile disappears from xavier's face.

"i don't know what she's talking about," he says tightly, his eyes dotting around the room. "i'm telling you, robert, kiki's fucked in the head. she has all these books on voodoo hidden in weird places in her room, like in her pillows and bathing suits–she thinks she's a witch, dude, i swear, my mom's been talking to father johnson all week–"

robert presses both his palms on xavier's shoulders. "forget about it. it's okay. she's probably just trying to mess with you."

"just messing with me," he repeats under his breath, nodding his head. "yeah. you're right. listen, i've gotta go, man, see you next week."

he punches his shoulder once and leaves the pew swiftly, like he was running away. xavier of the nothing. of the witch sister and fear of answering her serious, witchy questions. 

–

(nia ur prolly so annoyed w/ me rn im sorry ur going to make ur big debut muy pronto ten paciente mi amor im Such a sucker for character development) happy new year everybody!