Psycho

Conversations

The tears came then, and I suddenly slouched over, trying to hide my face in my knees and hands. Then I felt a full embrace. It was the most comforting feeling in the world. I wanted to return the hug, but I felt weak and helpless. I sat there for either 3 seconds or 2 hours before the warm pressure was released, but shame still stopped me from looking up.

I heard a door open, and soft voices as my teacher addressed the one next door, asking him to keep an eye on the class. Then, I felt a hand on my shoulder once more, before he whispered, "can you stand up?"

I took a deep breath before complying. As I stood, I felt cold and vulnerable. 30 eyes watched me, some frightened, some amused and shocked, some angry. One or two appeared concerned, but I tried my hardest to ignore the lot of them. As I followed him out of the room and into the hall, I felt myself become much more at ease. But then I began to fear where he was bringing me. The nurse? The counselor? The principal? I stopped walking and stared ahead at him.

"You're not getting in trouble. Come on," he ordered lightly, without ever looking back.

Again, I took a deep breath, but followed him. It wasn't long after that I realized where he was going: outside. He led us to the double doors. He leaned against the door, turning back to me and using his body weight to open it. He stared at me all the while. "Come on," he said again, immediately before turning around and continuing out.

I was more confused than ever, but the cold, fresh air cleared my mind a bit.

"Okay, sit." He pointed to a spot along a windowless wall of the school building. I obeyed, and he sat beside me and stared out at the nearby forest. All was silent for about a minute. I began to fidget a bit. What was he doing?

"Was this the first?" He said.

"The first?" I questioned, feeling clueless.

He paused. "Your first outbreak like this?"

"Yes." It was only partially a lie, I thought. Any other 'psychotic' thoughts I've had have been utterly benign, and nothing I acted on.

"Alright," he responded. It was silent again for a while.

"I'm not going to explain anything," I told him finally.

"I'm not expecting you to. I'm just thinking." Another moment of silence. "You're not insane."

I finally looked up from my hands and glanced at him. How could he say that? I just tried to kill a girl. Whether or not he knew about the other delusions, there was no way I was sane.

"Look at it this way," he continued, looking back at me. "A psychiatrist would say differently, but I personally don't believe you're insane."

"And what does that matter?" I snapped.

"I don't know why it would, but I think it might to you."

I didn't respond, because oddly, he was right. Just the fact that he was trusting enough of me to sit 3 inches away made me feel better. I knew he was smart; probably one of the most intelligent people I'd met, so I just felt like I had to trust him. Maybe that was stupid of me.

"I know it wasn't really you wanting to hurt her," he said.

"What do you mean?"

"You would never have reacted in such a way under normal circumstances. I know you. I don't know what did cause it, but it wasn't you."

"Are you saying I was possessed or something?" I giggled at the thought, but quickly sobered in light of the situation.

"Ha, as if I believe in that stuff. No. It's more like a glitch in the human mind or something."