Boys? Ew.

PROLOGUE

Dedicated to @NiqabiUndercover, whose book - 'A Muslim Girl's Love Story' - was the source of inspiration for this <3.

(edited.)

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A L M A A S     A Z I Z

On the first day of kindergarten, a boy tried to steal my crackers. I pushed him into a chair and screamed at him until he cried. In second grade, a boy called me chubby. I shoved him head-first into a bin and demanded an apology. By the time I moved to middle school, I had built myself a reputation.

Intimidating, they called me. I didn't understand: strength in boys was applauded, but a girl was scary because she defended herself? 

At the end of high school, I finally felt I had my life under control. I was a strong, independent woman who didn't need a man to get by in this world. I would graduate from a prestigious medical university, top of my class, and thrive as a world renown heart surgeon. 

There was no way I was going to get married. 

No way.

Except, fast-forward, and I'm at an engagement party. My engagement party; sitting next to the guy I'm expected to spend my whole life with. 

This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

Oh God; I think I'm going to punch something.

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Q A S S I M     I J A Z

She wanted to punch me, I could tell. 

It was the happiest day of my life and she wanted to punch me.

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A T I F A     A Z I Z

In the locket worn close to my heart was engraved: 'I love you. Most ardently.' It was a quote from my favorite scene in Pride & Prejudice, in which Mr. Darcy declares his love for Elizabeth Bennet. 

Only, no man had given it to me; I had found it myself at a vintage shop. When I went to bed every night, I'd close my eyes and hold the locket in my palm and pretend to be someone else. Some nights, I imagined I was sitting in a flower field behind a picturesque cottage where an apple pie cooled atop the windowsill. Other nights, I was walking through the regal halls of a palace, adorned in a bejeweled tiara and a dress that trailed after me. And, whenever I looked to my right, there he stood: my prince; my knight; my love personified; a dream out of a classic novel.

I often thought about how Jane Austen said, "Do not be in a hurry, the right man will come at last." 

I believed that, wholeheartedly. Every night, I prayed for the right man. I was starting to feel like my prayers had been answered. 

I had finally found the one.

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Y A H Y A     I J A Z

I had no purpose in life.

Everything was lost. Everyone, too; all that I cared about.  

Every night, as I lay so incredibly alone, I felt an emptiness - a hole, right in the center of my chest - expand until it swallowed me whole; until I felt nothing but numbness. A meaningless body occupying additional space on this Earth. 

I was lost. 

And, I didn't want to be found.

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