p a r k j i n y o u n g

Foreword

My lips cracks into the biggest grin ever as my eyes are filled with love and adoration . I let out a hearty chuckle as I continue smiling like a complete idiot that my mouth hurts from the constant smiling.

I look up to him and flash a bright smile as I recovered from embarrassment .

❛ Bloody hell , bloody hell! He looked at me ! He freaking looked at me ! He laid his beautiful eyes on me !! ❜ I mentally scream as my cheeks pink.

❝ Park Jin Young . . . Can't you just be mine already ? ❞ I mumble with dreamy eyes .

His eyes meets mine then he gives me a dashing smile . I didn't hear what he said afterwards because I was too mesmerized by his smile . His dashing smile that could make every single human being- yes including male gender , no scratch that , ever single living thing in this world dies of a heart attack . And not because of Kira . Not because of Death Note . Nu uh, it's Park Jin Young everybody .

❝ Yah- move aside . It's my turn !! ❞ The person next to me hisses as she glares at me .

I scoff . ❛ Excuse me ? Did you just interrupt my moment with my precious Jinyoung ? ❜

❝ What are you waiting for ? Get lost already . ❞ She makes a bitchy face at me .

I blink at her , not wanting to get affected by her words . Then , I look at Jinyoung in front of me , wanting him to scold that girl for being so rude.

But then again , he didn't do anything . He couldn't do anything .

Why ? Why you ask me ?

Because I'm not in a fan meeting like you all thought . I'm not in a damn concert . Park Jin Young is just in the screen of my laptop . As expected from an international fan huhh. He lives miles away from me .

I'm just watching his reactions to a specific fan that are all compiled in a video .

❝ Sky !! Are you listening to me ?! I want to use the laptop !! ❞ The girl screams. Oh , I almost forgot she is still here tsk .

I look at her then say, ❝ The laptop ? It's not the laptop , it's my laptop . So come again , little sis ? ❞

She pursues her lips into a thin line in annoyance then snorts . ❝ Fine . Can I borrow your laptop , please ? ❞

I fake a fake smile , acting as if I'm not satisfied with her borrowing my laptop . I love teasing her ahahaha .

❝ Now , that's my girl. Sure , but don't take too long . I still have some stuffs to do . ❞

❝ Oh yeah ? Well may I know what are those stuffs you gotta do , big sis ? Watching that Junior guy like a pedo ?❞

I snap my eyes to her . ❝ A pedo ? Yah- I'm still 18- well almost 19 . AND I'm not like you , Irene . I have homework and tons of assignments to do , unlike you high school students .❞

She let out a laugh then says , ❝ Funny you said that. You even have time to look at your stupid idol and waste your time on him. Wake up Sky , wake up from your dream . You'll never meet him ! He doesn't know you even exist ! Not to mention , you've never been to any concerts , fanmeetings and all those shits. You have to stop being delusional and change your mindset that one day you're gonna meet him! Why ? Because that's never going to happen ! Stop wasting your time and stop making a fool of yourself , sis .❞

I was in silence for a moment before I look at her with my lips tilts upwards. I let out a chuckle .

❝ Aish , okay okay ! I will , don't worry , mother .❞ She laughs and I laugh along with her .

❝ Okay , thanks for lending me your laptop . I won't be long , don't worry.❞ She grabs my laptop then walks out of my room .

When she's no longer in my radar , my smile falls . I think hard about what she said . If it isn't for the fact that she's my sister , I really would tell her to stop and shut the fuck up already .

He doesn't even know you exist . Those words keep playing in my mind .

It hurts . It really hurts . I hate this feeling . I hate that she's right . I hate it . I hate that I can't stop loving him .

I know people think my love was just some childish thing that won't last long . I know people think I'm wasting my life on someone who doesn't even know I exist .

But I know better . I know better than anyone else . I know better that this isn't some admiration that will soon be gone . What did people take me for ? A teenage girl who fell in love at the first sight with any good looking guy ? A girl who changed her crush every month or every time she met a new hot guy ? A girl who had a crush on someone for what , 1 month , 1 year , 2 years ? No . .

8 years . 8 damn years . 8 suffocating years full of suffering . Almost a decade . I've loved him for 8 years .

So tell me , do you think my love is just a mere crush ? Do you think I've never tried to move on ? I did , I really did . And I tried my very best to chase him away , to chase all these stupid feelings . But tadaaa , surprise surprise , my love for him only grows everyday .

Some people just don't understand . Did they know how much it hurts when they said I will never meet him ? How much it hurts when they said he doesn't know I exist ? When they said he will marry someone who's not you someday ?

Yes , I'm well aware of that . So please . Stop throwing those words in my face . Whatever it is , I will still love him . Whatever I will go through , I will still love him . No matter how many times people say those hurtful words to me , I will still love him .

Because he means so much to me . He means everything to me . A smile from him though it's not directed to me will brighten up my whole life . Although I know anything about me and him will never be right , will never be possible .

But it's okay . It's okay . This is my life . This is just how it is . I decide to be like this . I choose to be like this .

As long as I can see him , I'm okay . As long as I can see him , I'm thankful enough .

For he is everything that I need to be alive . For he is the reason I went through everything . For he is my everything .