Loving Eleanor

pilot - graduations & heartbreak

"Y O U ' R E F I N A L L Y a high school graduate!" My sister, Emily, cheered as she gripped my upper arms in a tight, enthusiastic grasp.  She seemed more excited about the change in my life than I was.  "I can't believe my little baby is going off to college soon!" 

I grimaced when her nails began to break my skin.  "Okay, okay.  You can relax for a second, though.  I haven't said goodbye to Cece yet, and I promised her I would before we left."  I gently grabbed her hands and pulled them from my arms.

"Well, I'm sorry, girly.  I'll try and control myself." She winked as her common sarcastic grin pulled at her lips.  "I'll be waiting by the car," she pointed behind her in the general vicinity in which she had parked before backing away.  "Be quick, I want to spend as much time with you as I can before I have to send you off."

I nodded at her in acknowledgment before I searched the crowd of excitable teens who had graduated just like I had.  I spoke a few words with some of them, surprised by the fact that they knew my name.  But then again, the entire class couldn't have forgotten who their valedictorian had been in only ten or so minutes.

As I surveyed the crowd, I heard an obnoxious screech and felt a pair of arms wrap around my midsection and spin me in the air.  I let out a little scream and spasmed for a second before I realized it was Cece at the recognition of her boisterous laughter.  "I swear to god, if you don't stop sneaking up on me like that I'm not going to call you when we're at college."  I spun around to see her grinning face slip into a pout.

"That'll be the last time, I promise." She glanced behind me and her pout turned into a mischievous smile that forced my paranoid self to look behind me as well.  I was greeted by the sight of Torren Anderson staring at me with slanted eyes and his trademark cigarette resting between his plump lips.  I felt my face heat up in an unattractive blush.  "The bad boy is making heart eyes at you." I turned to see Cece wiggling her perfectly done eyebrows at me.

I tried to tame my blush and play off how overwhelmed I was by offering a half assed shrug and a roll of my eyes.  "It's probably nothing." I began to feel jittery.  "Right?  You don't think I did anything to upset him, do you?"

She still had that cast iron smirk on her face.  "How about you ask him that." I gaped at her my heart nearly beating out of my chest as she wiggles her eyes at me before sauntering away.  I spun around once I felt someone behind me and was greeted by Torren standing there looking bored with a pinch of irritation.

He gestured for me to follow behind him as he walked towards a large oak tree that separated us from the crowd gathered in front of the school.  I played with my cap in my hands, fumbling with the golden tassel as my social awkwardness overcame me. 

He stopped abruptly and I almost slammed into his back, but I held myself back with just enough time to scurry and few feet back from him.  He leaned again the tree and lit his cigarette. 

"So. . ."

"Nice speech." He grumbled out.  Torren's voice was so deep and intense that for a moment I considered the fact that he couldn't be my age.  He seemed so much more mature than the other guys in our grade, that sometimes I thought he hit puberty before I really knew him. 

"Uh, thanks, I guess."

He nodded before exhaling a cloud of smoke in my face.  I scrunched up my nose and looked away, the nostalgia finally hitting me.  My eyes ran around the campus of Rockwell Academy — from the thick, manicured lawn, to the overwhelming castle I had called my high school.  They had been the longest years of my life, yet I had enjoyed them despite the pressure of getting into a good college. 

"So," I trailed off as I risked a glance at him, not wanting to fully turn my body towards him.  I wasn't in the mood to have smoke blown at me, nor was I ready to acknowledge the fact that I was under his scrutiny.  "It was nice talking to you, then."  My form was stiff as I sent him a warm smile — it wasn't exactly genuine, but it was the closest thing I could get it.

I shifted in my heels awkwardly as I debated whether I wanted to say anything else to the only guy in school that I had managed to have an unrequited crush on since freshman year.  I was slightly ashamed that I really liked him, but I came to the conclusion long ago that having a silly crush on him wasn't anything detrimental to myself or my future.  Of course Cece knew, which was why she tormented me about it almost constantly, but I prayed my feelings towards him weren't too noticeable.

For a moment I thought he was going to say something; I was sorely mistaken when all he did was blow a practiced smoke ring in my face.  My heart nearly shattered at his blank face, his cold and calculating eyes.  My smile faltered for a moment and my eyes watered.  I coughed into my hand as I tried to ignore the tears that stung my eyes because of my hurt feelings and the smoke he had intentionally blew at me.  "Have a nice life." My voice was small, and I could feel the desperation rolling off my body in waves.  The desperation for him to say something or to just acknowledge me for a single second.

He continued to almost glare at me in silence, so I took that as my cue to leave.  Emily would be waiting for me anyways.  I made a sharp turn and was about to walk away as quick as I could without seeming evasive and slightly bitchy, when a cold hand made contact with my arm and gripped my wrist.

"Eleanor," he stalled for a second, and my head whipped back to look at him.  I searched his face for any type of emotion other than the common blank expression he adorned like armor.  I half expected him to say something, anything.  Deep down I knew that he was only playing with me; he didn't care about me, he didn't even know me.  He saw Eleanor, the shy and awkward genius and just guessed he knew me.  Just like everyone else in my class.

My eyes were wide in hope, but my hopes were crushed again when he suppressed whatever he was going to say.  I closed my eyes for a moment and calmed myself down once I began to feel myself tremble.  This was not the moment to be so maudlin.  I swallowed the hurt and rejection that bubbled up to the surface as I gently pried my wrist from his grasp.  "Bye Torren." I whispered.

As I walked away, leaving my heart at his feet, I told myself this was the perfect timing.  I would be able to go away to college and forget about my silly school girl crush.  I still couldn't hide the hurt that emanated from me as I flicked away the tears that escaped my eyes as the welled up.  I had never felt so stupid, so gullible.  Why did I ever think he'd say something meaningful, something that showed that he might care? 

I sniffled and brushed back my thick brown hair behind my ear.  I deserved all this pain for thinking that Torren Anderson would ever feel something for me.  Who was I to think that he would ever lower his walls, even for a second, and look me in the eyes and tell me just what I wanted to hear?  I just got my hopes up, and now I feel like a part of me was torn and discarded like garbage.

I should've known the closest I would ever get to Torren would be in the form of the smoke rings he'd blow in my face.