Another side of Heartland

Chapter 3

-Mallory-

I woke up a while later and I was laying snuggled into my bed, I racked my brain trying to remember the details of what had happened but all I could come up with was getting sick and Caleb holding my hair.... oh shit I thought. I told Caleb. Looking over at my nightstand it was 2 AM, I reached out and flipped on my lamp and saw a bottle of water, Tylenol, and a note.

Take these when you wake up them and the water should make you feel better. I know you won't want to but we will talk about this tomorrow.
Feel better shorty.
                            ~Caleb

I took a sip of the water and then I put the Tylenol in my mouth and then downed half of the water bottle shivering as I finished the water in my mouth. I laid back down and tried to drift back off to sleep but just as I closed my eyes I heard a thump downstairs. I panicked a little at first and then I decided it must be Caleb. I quietly got out of bed and tiptoed my way down stairs to see the living room light on. Caleb was stacking wood in the fireplace and lighting it, deciding I should go ahead and face the music I walked downstairs and sat gently on the couch.  I know Caleb heard me but he didn't move or say anything. After what seemed like an eternity he spoke

"Ty and Amy radioed and they won't be back for two more days, after the rain stops its supposed to get cold and there are some horses up there not doing so well. They also remembered you were coming and I told them what we worked out and they said that was fine."

His voice was different, distant almost. I just sat there, not knowing what to say, what to do. Nothing. 
I thought about getting up and going back upstairs but I knew I couldn't sleep so I just sat there and stared at the back of Caleb's head since he was in front of the fire. Just as I leaned up and was going to go somewhere less awkward Caleb turned to face me, he looked at me so seriously I don't think I could have moved even if I tried.  He walked over to me and kneeled down in front of me and placed his hands on my knees.

"Listen Mallory"

he said as he looked into my eyes and squeezed my knees

"I don't know when all this started and I don't know what made it start but I do know you are entirely too gReat of a person to be harming yourself."

He looked away and then back at me.

"I know we all pick on you around here and I know things aren't always easy and that you have a lot going on but hurting yourself by not eating or throwing up what you do eat is not the answer."

I looked down at my lap as I felt fresh tears poking my eyes

'I know that. Deep down I know that, I just thought that you know if I was skinnier or prettier or more perfect or I don't know it sounds stupid now.'

I said shrugging my shoulders and covering my face with my hands. Caleb reached up and pulled my hands away from my face and held them in my lap.

"Mallory, you are absolutely beautiful the way you are and everyone here at Heartland loves you. Ty, Amy, Jack, Lou and Peter and Katie and Georgie they extra love you"

I smiled through my tears as he said that.

"And me? Even I love you"

'I know, I just thought if I was more perfect maybe my parents wouldn't leave so much, maybe Jake would be nicer and maybe Badger wouldn't have just disappeared'

Caleb stood up and I was sure he was going to leave me there on the couch in a puddle but instead he sat down on the couch next to me and pulled me into his lap.

"Changing for anyone is not an option, I tried to change for Ashley and it just didn't work. If someone can't love you for the way you are you don't need them in your life"

I nodded my head against his shoulder and he squeezed me gently

"your parents love you Mallory I know they do without a doubt. As for Jake and Badger if they want to be assholes let them be. They have no right in determining your outlook on yourself." 

I nodded again starting to feel ashamed of myself even worse than before I made myself sick. I almost started to speak as Caleb spoke quietly

"I had a sister, she was two years older than me and she was my buddy. She always seemed like a happy person, was always smiling and happy. One day I saw the undersides of her arms and there wasn't an inch of skin  that didn't have a mark or scar. She begged me not to tell, and being the obedient little brother I was I didn't  but I begged her not to do it anymore. One week later my mom found her dead in the bathroom, blood everywhere razor still in her hand."

I was stunned I never would have had any clue that anything like that had happened in mr Caleb Odell's happy go lucky life. I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck hugging him tightly. We sat there for a while just wrapped up in each other when he cleared his throat.

"Now uh about you"

I shrunk down and stared at my lap fiddling with my thumbs.

'I know, you have to tell Jack and my parents will come home and I'll never be allowed to leave and I'll probably have to go to a shrink.'

Caleb grabbed my hands to stop me from picking at my nails.

"Actually I'm not going to tell anyone, I know this is hard without the disappointment from others but there are some rules okay?"

I looked at Caleb and nodded

"first we will eat two meals a day together from now until I don't feel like we have to anymore. Second you can start slow you don't have to eat whole full meals but you do have to eat something  and you have to keep it down. Thirdly come talk to me if your feeling down or if you feel like you can't cope. I'll be more than glad to listen and help you. Okay?"

I tackled Caleb into a hug and he picked me up and toted me into the kitchen and sat me on the counter,

"last condition of our arrangement, you gotta eat something now cause I'm guessing it's been a while since you've kept anything down"

I nodded shamefully as he pulled out my bowl of Mac n' Cheese from earlier and heated it up. Caleb walked up to me and stood between my legs and rested his hands on my hips. I looked down at him not really knowing what to expect from him.  Caleb was leaning in closer to me and I was leaning in closer to him when the microwave beeped behind him making us jump, he squeezed my hips and then backed away and handed me the bowl and a fork.

'Thanks'

"no problem shorty, let's go watch some tv eh?"

And just like that we sat on the couch at three in the morning and watched episodes of CSI like everything in life was perfect.