Light Upon Light

#30 The Intervention

'I pray that Allah will keep us together for many more years to come and that we as a family would strive to do good and promote good. I pray that we be able set an example to society as a family that lives the Islamic way of life. I pray that those of us who are struggling will find their struggles made easier and that Allah increase us all in Iman. I pray that Allah blesses all my children with pious spouses and children. In sha Allah, Allahumma Ameen.'

'Ameen,' We all chorused as Dadi stopped speaking.

A trail of tears went down my face. I was not the only one whose eyes were wet. All our emotions swelled up high with what we heard today. There was so much to think about. It was overwhelming.

I felt like having a full on crying session. Barely grabbing anybody's notice I managed to leave the hall and make it to my room. And then I broke down.

It was true I had learned to appreciate how beautiful Islam is. I had learned to accept Allah as my Creator, my Rabb. Salah had become with effort one of the most important thing in my everyday life. Ramadan was a month of such bliss.

But.

I still had to learn what it meant to live as a Muslimah. To live as Allah expects me to live. To lead a life that would please Allah. To put Allah before everything else… I don't even know if I could ever do it.

And that was heartbreaking.

I resolved to first let go of my pride. Junaina Javed Ali, always sure of herself, always thinking she's right. Bleh, so wrong… so so wrong. I had to learn to be humble first.

And that was lesson number one.

Second would be incorporating hijab into my life. Which is kind of really really really hard for me at the moment. I see beauty in modesty and yet I fail to apply that to my life. Ayesha Di is always happiest when she has to choose hijab for the day. She was always so worried if a single hair was peeking out or if her dress showed off her beauty. Watching her don a hijab is quite interesting. She takes such great care to ensure that everything is covered up properly. At home she doesn't even pin her hijab, but her dupatta would still be very secure.

Lesson number two for me.

I was already so exhausted making a list of reasons why I'm not good enough, I didn't even want to think of how much more I'd have to change.

It made me sad and a bit mad.

I cried in my Salah and I fell asleep on my prayer mat. And that was how Di found me when she came to wake me up for Suhoor.

'You okay?' Di asked as I rub ed sleep away from my eyes.

'A little bit sore as I slept so uncomfortably, otherwise I'm fine,' I reassured her with a smile.

'Uh huh… well come downstairs fast. There's not much time left.' Saying that Di left me to clean up.

As quickly as possible I brushed, cleaned up and ran downstairs. I reached the dining hall with just enough time left to stuff some fruit and bread in and drain a mug of coffee. Just as I put my mug down the Azaan was called out.

'Juni beta did you have anything properly? We all woke up so late…' Chachi trailed off as she stifled a yawn.

'Yeah, I had enough.' I said with a smile.

'Okay boys, if you all have your wudhu then let's leave for the masjid,' Chachu said as he got up to wash his hands.

Marwan and Safwan were both dozing. They were saved from planting their faces into their plates as Sumi Phuppi took them away. Razi Phuppi crept to her son and then called out loud 'Marwan!'