A Time to Change

Chapter Twelve

Vasusena stayed inside his room the entire day. He hoped Suyodhana would be too busy with his work to notice. The fact is, he did not know how to handle the truth. Of all the scenarios he had imagined for finding out who he really was, this was never one. It boggled his imagination. Queen Kunti? His mother? Really? How was that even possible?

And yet, he knew it was. And he really wished he could unhear all the things he heard and forget what he'd learned last night. The Pandavas had been enemies for so long and even if by some miracle, they became friends, well, there was still the fact that they were one messed up family. He'd seen the way Arjuna and Krishna looked at each other, and if that was not messed up, he didn't know what was.

He sighed. He couldn't stay in his room forever. He had to get out sooner or later, go out, smile, pretend everything is fine. He could only hope Arjuna and Bheema would play along. Bheema might, but Arjuna was a different kettle of fish altogether. He was tenacious and he might not be happy to leave things as they were. He might insist that they get to know each other, a prospect that caused Vasusena to shudder.

There would be no escaping it, thought he unhappily. He wondered if he should confide in Suyodhana. That seemed like a good plan. And perhaps, Suyodhana would find a way to smuggle him out of Indraprastha and back to Anga before his new found brothers would come calling.

The day passed slowly, his enforced inactivity not improving his mood. He paced the room for a while, stood looking out of the window for a while, tried to think of how to tell his wife about all this, and yet, when he looked outside, the sun was in the zenith. The day was far from being over.

There was a knock at the door and Vasusena frowned as he bade enter. It was Arjuna, causing Vasusena to think sadly that he would much have preferred to be wrong.

"You look awful," said Arjuna.

"Is that how you always greet people?" asked Vasusena.

"Only when they are related to me," grinned Arjuna.

Vasusena groaned and buried his face in his hands. "Don't remind me."

Arjuna laughed. "You sound as if some calamity has befallen you."

"Not a calamity," said Vasusena wearily. "A catastrophe."

"Yea, well, we Kurus are a crazy family. But you already know that. I mean, you are Suyodhana's friend, so you should have an idea of how we are."

"I don't know if that is an insult or not."

"Relax," Arjuna smiled, but there was a faint trace of worry there. He's nervous, Vasusena realized. He's just putting on a brave face.

"Why don't you sit down?" asked Vasusena. "And let us talk about this, like rational people."

"What is there to talk about?" asked Arjuna as he sat down.

"Don't you think people are going to talk if you and I suddenly become friendly? I mean, unless you want the world to know, wouldn't it be better to behave as if, well, we are still..." his voice trailed off at the hurt expression on Arjuna's face.

"That's what you want, isn't it? To pretend as if we mean nothing to you."

"Look, with all due respect to our new found relationship, you do mean nothing to me. I don't have to pretend anything. I cannot simply start having feelings for you because I learned you are my brother."

"I know," Arjuna grated out. "Do you think this is easy for me? I understand exactly how you feel, which is why I think we could try and get to know each other. Because, in spite of how we might feel for each other right now, the fact remains that we are brothers. And I for one would prefer if we don't waste our time trading insults in some senseless fight for one-up-man-ship."

Vasusena stared at his brother. "I need to talk to Suyodhana," said he finally, grasping at straws.

"Yes, that's a convenient excuse, isn't it? As if he owns you." He paused. "He doesn't, does he?"

"Of course not," Vasusena muttered. "And you're right. I'm insulting him by insinuating I need his permission. But I want him to know. Can't you understand that?"

"Are you two lovers?"

"Contrary to popular perception, no."

Arjuna nodded. "I thought so too. Anyway," he rose. "I should be going. I hope you won't make up excuses for not being our brother. We ought at least to make an effort."

Vasusena nodded, feeling something constrict his throat, that he could not speak.