Life In Gotha

Chapter 5

    Alina managed to get her sobbing under control as Mason sat towards the back of the examination table with his arms wrapped tightly around her. She felt a bit better after getting the truth out of what she could remember but at the same time she was more perturbed than ever. Mason had passed no judgement, at least aloud and just kept reassuring her that they would get some answers soon. Nurse Haley had left and they were waiting on a Doctor to come in. Alina's anxiety had been full blown as the nurse left the room but Mason had dug through her purse and found her medication, of which there was still a full bottle, which again contradicted her story, and given her one with a small paper cup of water he'd found in one of the drawers in the small room. Within about a 15 minute time frame she could feel her chest loosening and her breathing didn't feel as restricted as if someone was slowly freeing her from a vice she was held in. She let herself sink into Mason's steady body behind her, eyes closed and breathing deeply and very much enjoying Mason's quiet presence. She couldn't believe how easy and amazing it felt to be back in his arms after 3 years had slowly passed in a haze of her wondering if she'd ever be alright again, all while keeping herself so busy she barely had time to linger on thoughts of her past.

    Swiftly the exam room door came open and a broad shouldered man, with a thick head of gray hair and unkempt eyebrows entered the room. He had a pleasant face though and looked to be in his early 50's. "Hi, Alina." He walked over and shook her hand. "Im Dr. Seppala." He then turned to greet Mason as well before taking a seat and sliding up to the corner of the table she was perched on the very edge of now, as if she might make a run for it. He looked down at the chart he held before him and Alina could only imagine what this man must be thinking, but his face gave nothing away. He looked up into her eyes and simply said, "I have a few questions that weren't answered in the initial paperwork you were given, if you don't mind going over a few things with me?" Alina nodded her approval. "Do you have any family history of mental illness?" he asked as casually as one might ask if you have siblings. "No." Alina replied in a clipped tone. Dr. Seppala sat looking her in the eyes for a few moments making her uneasy so she than began to ramble on about how her mother and father had passed away and even though her father had taken his own life, he'd never even been diagnosed with depression, anxiety or any of the smaller things that could get tangled into the scary web on metal illness. "Have you?" he asked softly. "I was diagnosed with anxiety in my late teens and later on with depression as I'm sure you see in my file along with the meds I take for it, correct?" Alina was beginning to get resentful although she wasn't sure where this emotion was coming from. She knew logically this man wanted to help her but she felt she knew where his line of questioning was headed and she wanted nothing to do with it. Dr. Seppala smiled, he had one of those crooked smiles like you were trying to suppress it but just couldn't, so just that one corner lifts. She had always found it to be an endearing trait. "Yes, that was in your file but sometimes not everything is, so I like to cover every base, is that still ok wth you?" He inquired. Alina acknowledged this and he went on, "Have you ever attempted suicide before last night or had suicidal thoughts?" Mason interrupted, "She did not try to commit suicide last night! I was with her. We took Ella, our daughter, out for ice cream after Alina cooked supper and then came home for baths and story time and laid her down. Same routine as any other night. We then headed to our room and watched Netflix until we fell asleep. Even all this morning was our typical Saturday stuff." Alina watched him with a blank expression on her face, that all sounded lovely but none of it had happened. "Look," Mason held up her bottle of pills for the Dr to see, "Her prescription is still full, it isn't inside her body chased down by a bottle of liquor!" Alina could see his composure starting to break. It was strange to see this capable and earnest man with his outer shell of certainty and confidence beginning to crumble away and show his fear and doubt.

   Alina held up her hand in a gesture to stop him, "That's the problem, that is your experience, what you remember, not mine." She sighed. Weariness from her medication and the stress of the day were really taking a toll on her. Dr Seppala seemed to be able to read her expression and didn't seem to think pushing her was the best idea or arguing with Mason for that matter since he did neither. "One more question for now then, do you take any other drugs besides your Xanax, prescription or recreationally and how often do you drink alcohol?" Alina thought there was absolutely no point in lying now if she wanted real answers so she answered truthfully, "Yes, I smoke marajuana as another way to deal with my anxiety and I have a bottle of wine about 3 times a week." Mason again blurted out, "No she doesn't! Alina what are you talking about? She has never smoked weed that I'm aware of and we've been together since we were 14 and she quit drinking when we got pregnant with Ella! She does have an occasional glass of wine with dinner but certainly not a bottle!" He looked red in the face and was now looking at Alina like he didn't know her, the face she'd been waiting on but dreading. He was her only support system through all of this. What would happen if he decided she had lost her mind and he wasn't dealing with it? Dr Seppala watched the couple thoughtfully and then decided, "Ok, I'm going to order a few blood tests. We will check to see if there is marajuana or anything  else in your system as well as run a CAT scan and then I'm going to let you guys go home for the night and get some rest. I want you to call your primary care physician tomorrow to set up a follow up appointment and I will send the results of these tests you're going to take tonight over to them ASAP. With the results and after seeing how you feel in a few days, your physician will know how to proceed and if they think anything else might be in order." Now the Dr looked Alina directly in the eye, "If a suicide attempt was made last night then I'm suppose to keep you here for 24 hr observation but in light of these very unusual circumstances and symptoms, if you can promise me that isn't something you'll be trying again and promise to make an appointment with your doctor for, at the most 48 hours from now, Im going to trust you and allow your husband to take you home." Alina nodded her consent and began to get bleary eyed again as she thanked the Dr. He stood and walked into the hallway motioning for a nurse and muttering about the tests he wanted ran. He walked back into the room and crossed it to Alina's side. He squeezed her hand gently and simply said, "Good luck." He then turned and walked from the room to what would no doubt be a much less interesting case than this one.