delirium (sequel to apathy)

01

                     01 

Hospitals were interesting places. 

People came here for almost everything..life threatening diseases, broken apendages, bringing babies into the world. It was weird, someone was dying in one of these several rooms, where in the next area, a baby was being born into reality. A life stops, as a new life begins. Sometimes, I felt sorry for the children being born into this time period. They would be put through so much, sometimes death would be the best way out. 

Growing up, I always thought that my family members were super human. Look at my grandfather and uncle, they practically went through hell and back with minor wounds. They had experienced almost everything, guns to the head, car chases, going off an embankment..and they all survived. They all went through it for the women that meant the most to them. My granddad Romelo did it for my grandma Aaliyah, Uncle Ramiro did it for his sister, my mother, Monae. And my father did it for my mom as well. 

So you can imagine how bad my reality crumbled when my father was shot in the chest.

My dad was my hero. He had been through so much, and shrugged things off so easily. I couldn't process it. The pain was unimaginable. I can't imagine how my mother felt..she was right there when the whole thing went down. When she told me, I didn't know how to react. I wanted to hurt..I wanted to kill. I wanted to know who had shot my father, and I wanted to shoot them in the chest, in front of who they loved. It sent me into a rage - inside, that is. It was a secret that all the August-Carter men had problems controlling their tempers, and I wasn't about to explode and destroy the things around me. I loved Mom too much to let her see me do that. 

I held her hand tightly as we walked down the hall, the white light from above beaming down on us. I swung our hands back and forth, and she smiled at me. She hadn't been talking for the past few days, and it's really worrying me. She was a psychologist, and I wish she could work some of that magic on herself, like she does for her other patients. Her skin looks pale, a striking contrast from her usually bright, radiant caramel skin. We decided to see Dad today, as the hospital informed us that he was getting better. We walked to the elevator, and I pressed the button for the fifth floor, the ICU. 

Once we were on Dad's floor, we made the walk to his room. I could hear the loud beeps of the machines from his room, as it was the only one with the door open. There was a nurse, tending to his machines, giving us a small smile when we walked in. 

"He's been getting better. He's starting to move his fingers."

She left us in the room, closing the door. I pulled up a chair for Mom, and she sat down, taking his hand. "Hey baby..we're back," she softly smiled, rubbing his hand. "The hospital said that you're starting to respond to stimuli, and that's good.." Looking at his heart monitor, I noticed that his pulse raced. Whenever Mom squeezed his hand, his heart seemed to skip a beat. 

He looked so..different.

My father laid in the hospital bed, unmoving, his eyes closed. He was hooked up to tubes, machines all around him, and it was driving me crazy. I was used to seeing him up and about, not..on the verge of death. He was in a coma, and it was taking a toll on me. 

I felt like it was all my fault. 

I felt like I could've been there, I couldn't prevented it. I hated seeing Mom so upset, and so out of her element. I hated knowing that she was hurting and that I couldn't do anything for her. She's been taking care of me for years, changing my diapers, bathing me, attending my school graduations, and anything I needed her for. Now she was hurting deeply, and I had no clue what the fuck to do about it.

"Mom.." I whimpered. She looked at me, standing up. "Aww, baby..come here.." She hugged me, and I wrapped my arms around her, crying into her neck. She rubbed my back, running her hand through my curly hair. "I'm sorry Mommy," I said, making her hug me tighter. Her peach scent comforted me a little, bringing a small smile to my face. 

"It's okay, baby..it's alright," she cooed, making me look at her. She wiped my eyes, kissing my nose. "We're going to be alright, okay?" Her hugs had always made me feel better, about anything. It was sad that it wouldn't heal all my wounds, though. 

I nodded, noticing that tears were welling up in her eyes. We hugged once more, and I placed my head on top of hers. I sighed, and looking at Dad in the bed, I had decided what I was going to do. 

I was going to find whoever did this.

an: photo of amir provided.