On the first day of Christmas, I got out of bed
Had my dog fed
Before baking sweet bread.
On the second day of Christmas, I visited my child.
Got him to smile
And stayed for awhile.
The third day of Christmas, I brought the gifts home
Filled with a joyful tone
"His mind will be blown."
The fourth day of Christmas, I called my brother Jack
"Don't call back!"
His words burned like a smack.
But I deserve that.
On the fifth day of Christmas, I invited Mom out
"I can't come this year. You know what that's about."
Her words were upsetting, I wanted to shout.
But knew it was better
To not glorify her doubt.
The sixth day of Christmas, I almost fell apart
These Beautiful plans won't ever start
There's holes in my heart
Razor blades sharp
Calling my name like a mesmerizing harp.
The seventh day of Christmas, life was brighter
As I embraced my inner fighter
Pulling an all-nighter
To make the best tasting cider.
The eighth day of Christmas, I lit up a fire
The flames of desire
That always inspired
Which I admired.
On the ninth day, I gave it all away
The bread, my dog, my house and the bay.
"It's all yours," I said as the skies turned to grey.
The tenth day of Christmas, I met up with Heather
Apologized with a gift.
"But we're not together."
"I know we're not."
The guilt seeping in.
"Can we at least be happy for him?"
As we looked over, Brandon laughed hard.
With his new father, no longer scarred.
I smiled brightly and wished them well
This was the end, as far as I could tell.
The eleventh day of Christmas, I delivered the presents
The love, the regret, they'd get the message.
Though they rejected my offerings as the hurt was too strong
I atoned for my sins
Fixing the wrongs.
The twelfth day of Christmas, I laid in the snow.
As now they will know
I wasn't the loser
They were happy to see go.
