Musings of a Weirdo.

i || Ode to Oneself | Part I

Originally posted on 'Musings Of A Weirdo'. Check it out on the blog, in the external link. 

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When I was younger,

I was carefree

I had people I could call friends;

I was joyful

I was too young to know

of pain, of hurt, of broken trusts

Too far away in my own haven

To even think of deceit

Until suddenly,

it was all gone

I saw the world

For what it really was

It was grey, black and

Swirling with colours unknown

My eyes were opened

But my heart was broken

How could something so beautiful

Turn so ugly in a matter of seconds?

A palette filled with hope and joy

Was now tainted by the Pandora's box

Where my brick walls had once stood firm

Lay a pile of rubble and dust

Exposed before my young eyes

Were the things I was shielded from

As everything seemed to

get progressively worse

I started shrinking into myself,

even more than ever

And the walls around me

kept growing and growing

Until they stood tall and unshaken

cemented firmly

I was afraid to get out

I was afraid to explore

The world beneath the darkness

The joy beneath the sadness

The voice inside my head

Had become my only solace

Believe me, I fought against it

But eventually... I was overcome

Slowly, I started pulling away

The relations I knew, ceased to exist

Everything I felt was bottled up

Locked and left for no one to see

Attempts were made

To try and break in

But they knew, it was a lost battle

I wouldn't let them in

From time and again

I'd glance out of my bubble

I'd hear laughter and fun

I'd see brightness all around

Then, a pain so sharp

Would rip through me

And then I'd further

cave into myself

It was a lonely life

The life of an outsider

But I kept telling myself

I'd never get hurt this way

But my traitorous heart

Wouldn't ever listen

It yearned for company

It yearned to belong

But you know the biggest flaw?

I did this to myself

I chose to stay inside

When everything moved forward

I could've chosen to get back out

Nobody was stopping me

I was my own captive

I was my own victim

I've been trapping myself in here so long

That I've forgotten how the very air feels

Maybe its not too late

Maybe its time to stop hiding out

To step out and see for myself

That hope isn't completely lost

It's hidden in the littlest of things

I just have to find it