My story isn't over

Why?

I asked myself all the time if everyone would be better off without me. I vocalized my thoughts and scared my closest friends half to death. My mind realed with thoughts I could never put into words, and as for my heart it stayed in pieces. Music was my escape. Friends were my bandages. The wounds? Well they were all of the negativity I let overcome me. See I never really understood why, or how I got this way.
I blamed myself for everything. I blamed myself for the beatings,when I was raped, and even the mental torture from almost every person in my life. The words would echo in my head, and all I needed was someone to reach out and take my hand. Pull me from the depths of darkness, and lead me back to the light. Those words, now healed scars, are something I'll never forget. I refuse to let them stop me now.
  I could have run, but instead I pushed you away. I should have run, but I thought it would be better to stay. I will run, and someday I'll make it to the place I belong. There is no doubt my dreams were crushed, but now I'm fixing them. Little by little I'll pick myself up and follow my heart.
   I never understood why everyone left. Suddenly the people in my life would take a step back, and then they were gone. So the words would echo inside my head and I would slowly push everyone I loved away. Afraid of being hurt again, I would make them hate me before they had the chance to run without me. I'm so sorry. To all of you. I never meant to hurt anyone. I wish I could take it all back and fix what I've done, but I cannot.
  So here I am. The girl who is picking herself up and brushing herself off hoping the hand she wished would pull her out, comes back. I no longer need someone to lean on. I'm here. I'm alive, and I will not exit this world by my own hands. I saw the hurt in everyone's eyes and it hurt me more. I thought no one cared but then I saw it. The faces you all made when I would retreat into my dark thinking. The pain and worry that shadowed your eyes as the thoughts would slip out of my mouth and smack you in the head like a flower pot falling from an unfortunately placed window sill. The shock was unimaginable.
Don't worry though. I'm no longer that person. I found my reason(s) to continue on. 
    The tattoo on my leg will remind me everyday of the hurt I feel. Knowing that I can't put anyone else through that pain, especially not the people I love. I'm making my life better. Slowly. Protecting the people I deeply care for is my top priority. Then getting my life in order, and after that running. As far and as fast as I can without looking back. You see someday I'll make it through hell, and when that day comes I'll be unstoppable.
  If you're reading this, please keep going. Don't give up. Push the words aside. The abuse you've endured doesn't define you.