a/n: based off the song Guilty Ones by Leslie Odom Jr. This is only two parts long so, enjoy and have a good day.
"I don't want your money. I'm not a charity." He hit the money out of my hands. I watched it drop to the floor. "I have nothing." He spoke weakly. Tears dropped down his face but he retained a smile.
"Nothing, Scott." He sighed and laughed. "You come around here flaunting what you have in my face." He walked closer to me. "You have something to show for your success. I have no success. I have nothing to show. But I've learned something. I've learned how to survive without anyone. I've learned how to survive, without you." He wiped his tears as they fell. "I have nothing, and i'm happy with nothing. I'm happy without you." His gaze into my eyes deepened. His lip began to quiver.
His smile dropped. The tears began building up in his eyes again. "No, I'm not." He began shaking his head. "Scott, I'm not happy without you. I can survive alone. But I can't live alone. This isn't the life I wanted." He looked at the ground instead of into my eyes. "I thought you were ruining my life. I thought you were toxic, but the only toxic person here is me."
"You aren't toxi-" I tried to reassure him but he stopped me.
"Don't lie to me." He shouted defensively. He was aching on the inside and I just could tell. "If I can say it about myself then it's true. It's true. I'm toxic to myself. I'm ruining my life. I have no guidance or support on my own. I don't want to be on my own. I want to be with you."
"But you know we can't. I have a life now. A husband and kids." I responded and he looked at me in shock.
"Kids?" He questioned in disbelief. I nodded.
"Two little bundles of joy." I smiled and let out a content sigh. "We were going to do that. Get married and have kids. That's what you usually plan with someone you love and care about. Like I did." Tears built up in my eyes but i fought them back. "My family complete me. You could've been in that equation. Could've been my husband and the father to my children. But you walked out on me."
"I want to be a part of your life."
"You were a part of my life." I responded coldly. He was slightly taken aback by it.
"I still want to be. We can make this work."
"I'm satisfied with what I have." I paused. "I'm sure you can find someone who can love the way I did."
"But I have." I looked up at him. "I'm looking right at him. Scott, the way you love is none like any other. You're the only one whose made me feel worth anything."
"But we can't be together. I'm married. I have children. I don't want to throw them away." There was a pause. A long silence.
"Can I at least feel your lips on mine one last time?" He asked me. I hesitated.
"I-I don't thi-"
"Please." He cut me off. "If I can't see you again, I want to be left with something I'll remember." He responded. I considered it. A little kiss wouldn't do any harm.
I pulled him in closer. I could feel his heart beat against mine. I looked him in the eyes and felt trapped under his gaze. Our lips connected. I wanted to pull away but my body wouldn't let me. Our lips moved in time. It felt magical. Enchanting. Like it always did.
We pulled away. I gazed deep into his green eyes. His eyes had tears in them. They were bloodshot red. He was sniffling. "Just like old times." He joked as he sniffled. I could see the pain in his eyes. It made my heart ache.
I knew what my mind wanted. It wanted me to get up and go back to my husband and kids. But my heart. My heart made me pull him back in for another kiss. A kiss of urgency and desperation.
My heart knew me well.
We pulled away once more. Our past came flooding back. All our memories. The late night kisses. The midnight cuddles. The lovemaking. The christmases by the fire place. The stargazing on the darkest nights. Telling each other our hopes and dreams all came back. I felt younger again. I was in love with him again.
"Let's run away somewhere." He suggested with so much hope in his eyes. "Where we can love each other for the rest of our lives and not have a care in the world. Where we have no responsibilities. No problems. Just each other. Let's run somewhere."
"I-I can't." The internal conflict going on within me wasn't helping. Temptation was winning but my responsibility was still holding strong. I saw the sadness in his eyes and my heart kept breaking. I could feel sympathy winning this chaos in my mind. "I have responsibilities that I just can't run away from. Avi, you know that."
"P-Please." He pleaded. "You're all I have. You're all I want. Let me have you. I can't live without you. Don't let me go." He pulled me in for a hug but I didn't reciprocate. He brought my hands up my waist. "Hold me and never let me go." The desperation in his voice weakened me. Temptation was winning.
"I-I...I," I stuttered. I didn't even know what to say. I didn't want to say anything that I'd regret.
"Baby," He used the pet name he'd always call me. "Please. Don't leave me. I don't want to lose you again. I'll never find anyone like you." He pleaded.
I felt the tears build in my eyes again. They fell like waterfalls. "I have to go." I quickly spoke. I got up and began walking to the door.
"N-No." He started. He began walking towards me. "Please don't go." He pleaded as he halted me. I continued walking. He held my hand and turned me to face him. He kneeled on the ground. "Please, please, please." He begged as if his life depended on me saying yes. "I need you. Please, don't go." I looked into his eyes. Then looked away. "Look at me." He demanded as he cried. "Please." He weakly yet desperately pleaded. It took all the strength within me to not give in to his plead. He knew he'd lost this battle. He dropped his head in defeat. He let go of my hand and started sobbing.
I turned away and opened the door. I walked out. I didn't look back. I closed the door. I sat on the ground. My back against his door and let it all go. I hated myself for walking out on him. I hated myself for slipping back into the mindset I had when I was still with him.
Deep down in my heart, I never truly got over him. In my heart, I was madly in love with him. I was willing and ready to do anything for him. He was the one my heart wanted but what my heart couldn't have.
He was now my forbidden love. But I didn't care anymore. I didn't care. The heart wants what the heart wants. He was my soulmate and my everything. I needed him back.
I got up and knocked on his door. It slowly opened. Before he had even realised, our lips were connected. He melted into the kiss. The sweetness of his lips brought back memories I never thought I'd look back on or get to experience ever again.
