The Rant Book

Hey

Hey guys... So this is my first post since July which is a really long time and I just want to say sorry for not updating. Most people have probably removed this from their library but I just need to rant. I have had so much going on lately. Things with school have been rough since it started back up and I'm really not liking this year so far.

My life has not been going the way I hope it would. Things that I wanted to happen haven't and I just need to vent. I feel like I want more from life than what I have now. I want to just start over somewhere new. New place, new home, new people. I have good friends where I am now but other than them I don't really have any other reasons to want to stay where I am. A lot of my friendships have gone to hell lately anyway.

You may have noticed that I deleted all my other post on this book. I just felt like they were not important. Reading through them I wonder what the hell I was thinking half yhe time when I wrote them.

I need a change. I need another everything. Another life. I am not happy where I am. I cannot connect with anyone I go to school with besides a few people who all have other good friends they have known longer than me. I just want something more. Sonething exciting.

I feel so much older than I am. I feel like I have felt like this forever but I know I haven't. I really do not enjoy anything about my life right now except some of my friends and my family. I just want something new and adventerous and exciting and I am tired of waiting for it.

I just want to get out of this god damned town more than anything. I want to get out of this damned state and maybe even this country. This place isn't my home. I don't feel home here.

I was thinking to myself earlier that I should just start writing again to try and escape. That I shoudl write about the kind of life I want for myself. But that doesn't change anything. Writing about the kind of life you want won't make it real. I'll still be here. In this place, at this school, with these people. Where I am not happy.

I feel lonely. But I also feel as though what I am feeling is wrong. I feel so lonely but I don't think I should. I have a loving family that I love very much and some friends that I also love very much. So why isn't that enough? I shouldn't feel lonely, not when I have all these people that love and care about me. I shouldn't but I do. And I hate it.