Give Up (On Pause?)

Repeat

Feelings never do make sense. They get you all confused. They drive you around for hours before they drop you right back off where you started. ~Blair Waldorf

________________________________________________________________________________

I woke to my head throbbing and something wet over my forehead. I didn't want to open my eyes. I obviously wasn't dead, which at this point I wish I was. My life had completely hit rock bottom. No, that's a lie. It went further than rock bottom. It was in hell. Anyway, when I did wake and open my eyes, I was instantly blinded by a bright light, so I closed them. I didn't even get to see where I was. 

I groaned from the pain. I was in a comfortable bed, therefore I wasn't in the hospital. I laid there for a short time trying to figure out where I was and effortlessly open my eyes. What seemed like hours passed, which was only ten minutes, I got my eyes to open and scan the gigantic room surrounding me. The color scheme seemed to be black and white. Fuck. This must be a guys room. Was the so called hot chick actually a dude? 

My ass nor my throat doesn't hurt, so either nothing happened or hand job? I sat up, a wave of nausea hitting me. I gagged twice then took a deep breath. All I needed was my phone right now, then everything will be a hundred percent fine. 

"Okay. Thank you!" It was a females voice. I jerked my head to the door. I wanted to vomit after that. Stupid move Dante. Stupid fucking move.  The steps stopped outside the door, no movement after that. His sister? Mother? The voice seemed fairly young so it must be sister. The knob turned, slowly. Like those moments of suspense in horror movies. A petite young woman stood in the doorway. She was holding a tray of food, at least I think so. 

"Hi... Are you feeling better? You blacked out last night. I didn't know what to do so I got a ride from a friend and brought you to my house.  I hope that's okay." It was the same girl from last night. Damn she has a nice rack. Why didn't I mess with those before I blacked out? I stopped staring at her boobs and look at her face. She had a small smile and kind eyes.

"Yea. Yea on everything..." Being more aware of everything, my voice sounded like shite. That was all I could focus on now. 

"Rawr..." That sounds like shite too. 

Um... Rawr? What is that supposed to mean?" She had the most confused look I have ever seen. I would probably be the same way if there was a random ass person in my bed blurting out 'rawr.' 

"Oh... Um... Voice testing." I gave a sly smirk. The wet wash cloth fell off my forehead. I almost forgot it had even been there. That must have been the cold wet thing. I was honestly starting to think it was an awkward feeling cat. 

"I think I best be going though. I have places to be and... Yea. Important stuff..." I got up. I was only in boxers. 

"Mmhm. Important stuff. Does that consist of you getting high then just watching YouTube?"

"Haha! That is where you are wrong. It will consist of me getting high, jerking off, and then, YouTube." She rolled her eyes, then walked over and set the tray down. 

"I used to be like you, minus the jerking off thing. I-"

"You would finger yourse-" She gave me the shut up look, which I couldn't help but smile.

"What I was saying before you talked about what I do."

"So you do f-"

"Just shut up. That's just, no. I'm done. You may leave now. My parent's wont even be happy you're here. So... Yea. Bye." 

"No. I'll shut up. Continue."

"Okay. I was going to say I used to be a heavy user and I couldn't function without getting high. I know what your're going through on that part. It's not easy either. So just be careful. After you passed out last night I thought you had overdosed or something, so I had the host watch you for me."

"Thanks..." That was all I had. I probably made myself seem like a jerk after that, but she understood. 

"Would you even care to know where your clothes are?" Yes. Yes I would. I'm glad she brought that up. I almost, nope, I completely forgot. 

"Yea. I would love to. I sorta need them before I head out." She nodded then picked up my clothes from her desk and handed them to me. They were cleaner than when I wore them to the party. I quickly dressed, then said the final goodbyes. With my luck, I would never see her again. I might just end up attempting suicide, again. I waled out of her house, not even looking back. I didn't know her well enough to care. I walked home, using my phone to get me back. It took hours. I don't know how many exactly, but by the time I was at my doorstep it was dark outside. I opened my door, unlocked. 

I slid my shoes off my feet and looked around. Nothing was stolen. Nothing was even worth stealing in that house.  I walked to my mess of a room that so desperately needed a cleaning. The bed was a complete mess of sheets and clothes. You could barely see the floor through the trash and dirty clothes. I wasn't feeling in the cleaning mood. I got on my knees and pulled a medium sized briefcase out from under my bed. I opened it and looked at the drugs I had in there. 

"You need to relax. Work around your problems because working through them is too difficult." I pulled out my last bit of heroin and heated it up, sucking it up into the syringe and injecting it instantly after it was to it's full liquid state. I plopped onto the floor, leaning against my bed. My eyes closed and I let myself relax. Although I felt like the world was spinning and that I was flying through time and space, I was calm. I slipped into a light sleep and let my mind go blank. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sorry the chapter was was crap. I rushed the end and I was just plainly drawing a blank. The next chapter will hopefully be better and take less time