Concupiscence | HS | currently on hold

XV. Sexual healing

Before Nina he would just do stuff, no matter what the consequences were. He had a pretty good sense of judgement so he didn't get in trouble too often. But now. Now everything was different. He had felt the pain you could fall into when it came down to matters of the heart. He still did.

So was he overthinking this whole 'calling Claire' affair?

Because Claire Edwards was the perfect person for a good old chit chat. She felt alone and wanted someone to talk to, he wanted someone to have a chat with. It was a win-win situation. But was talking about a woman, who may well be the love of his life, to another woman, who Harry wouldn't mind getting rid of his sexual frustrations with, a good idea?

Claire didn't want sex. She had told him that in most direct way possible, which he liked and respected...just as he had done with Nina. Yet Claire's behaviour was giving a very different message to him than her spoken words. The sexual attraction was definitely mutual. Harry had had more than enough experience in reading women to know when they were seducing and when not.

What was he going to do? What did he want? If he called Claire, was it only for the sake of her verbal capacities or for the sake of her physical company? He had no idea. Did he want both? Should he want both? Probably not. What if she changed her mind and actually did come onto him? How was he going to react? Was he going to refuse her? What was he going to act upon? His mind, which urged him to only talk? Or the need to sexually relief himself which dominated his body?

It had been ages since he last had sex. It was one of the harder parts on fully choosing for Nina and look where that had led him. Not only did she fully reject him, but even after her rejection he still felt weird about having sex with a stranger - something he had never felt before.

He was going to wait and see, because only time would give him the necessary answers. Whatever his instincts were pushing him towards in said moment, he would let it happen. What did he have to lose anyway?

So without further hold up he picked up his phone a second time and dialled the number printed on the creamy card. The phone rang for several minutes, yet no one picked up. He shook his head and ran a hand through his  long tendrils.

What if Claire didn't pick up her phone?

For Harry priority number one was to find a solution to his current state of pain. He could somehow find a way to deal with the sex thing. The pain was the thing pushing him to think off desperate actions. What other, more or less sane, way could he possibly find to help him soften the pain he was feeling than to find someone to replace Nina with?

He was grateful Nina had changed his perspectives on his previous lifestyle. He liked the fact you could bond with a woman and see her for longer than a few hours. He wanted to keep this idea or notion going. But what if Claire didn't pick up the phone? Did that mean he was destined to go back to sleeping with strangers? He didn't want that to be a truth.

"This is Claire." An assertive voice spoke through the phone. Harry pulled his act together, not expecting her to pick up, yet feeling relief clear the weight off his shoulders. He cleared his voice and took a deep breath.

"Hello Claire, this is Harry Styles from the b-" He didn't manage to fully finish his sentence when Claire already replied.

"Oh hello Harry. It's so nice to hear from you so soon." He could somehow hear the smile in her voice and it gave him a little more confidence. "I honestly thought you weren't going to call."