My Randomness And Diary.

im not sure what this feeling is

I need help guys. I was thinking about my life. And how every time I get close to someone they pull away from me. It started when I was in third grade. I was always close to my sister. Untill she pulled away from me. I tried to talk to her and she would shut the door in my face. Jump ahead to eighth grade my best friend/crush moved away really suddenly. Every year since then someone pulls away from me. Last year me and my best friend started pulling apart. This year she moved away. None of the people i really talk to pay much attention to me. I feel lonely. I feel like I'm the reason why they pull away. I feel like all the colors are dull and no longer bright like they once were. I've never felt like this before. What do you think it is? I'm so confused. What do I do? What is this? I don't know.