Growing up

1

Sunday 27th November 2016 :

Well hello ,

A kind lady with a smile that reminded me of the sun , told me that this would be a good way to express.
I asked her what express meant and she replied with ... "when one feels the need to tell everyone or at least someone how they feel but find it difficult face to face so they search for a way to express there feelings , to show ... for example poems , songs , sex"

I thought about these people and I still am , the people who feel the need to do something that they may not like so that others know they're hurting.
The kind lady told me that I should try something to express these things I couldn't tell her.
I asked her if writing counted , which she said yes to , but I didn't know what to write.
I asked her what I should write as well , which earnt the reply of "your emotions Of course , tell that book"
Which brought me here ... hello.

It's to early for introductions , so stop guessing , don't even bother.
I shouldn't talk to strangers , mama told me that , from being a young child but we can keep the secret , yeah ?
I don't want to stay away , I want to paint each page a glorious Jayden.
Splashed with baby blue for the sadness , sunshine yellow for the happiness , blackest black for the dark times.
Yeah there's dark times written on these pages and maybe you'll guess when they are , if I have done my job you will.
Cherry for the love , romance and other things , red for the anger and finally orange ....
Orange. Why orange ? It confuses you more you think or say it ? Orange , orange orange ....
It's not relevant , it doesn't represent them , they're favourite colour was green but orange represented the fire we had , I guess ...
It's one of these things that still confuse me ... a thing I'd never understand ... and never will.
Orange.

So this is about to be a story , when each letter is added that I regret to say but is based on personal moments.
My therapist , the kind lady with the sunshine smile , told me that personal meant a memory or something that we felt , that others won't understand fully.
It's something that only we can grasp and the worst part is , the worst ones we don't figure out ourselves.
In a way ... this is a biography with a twist ...

Now trust me , I know it doesn't sound like much. But don't leave , please please stay ... you're the first person to listen this far or at least the first person Im about to open up to. Not even the lady with the smile knows what's in this story.
We are the closest I've been with anyone since it happened , since it all left my grasp.
But as my therapist said , I had to " express " emotions so here I am ...

In places it'll get repetitive , they're mentioned throughout but I guess this is some cringe romance story hidden with twists.
Now pick up a paint brush , you're the last colour to make my Jayden artwork.