Gold

08 | comforting thoughts

08 | c o m f o r t i n g t h o u g h t s

kill or be killed
FEN

IT WAS ONE of those days when sleep dragged on and Fen found himself unable to wake up. It had been two days since Diamara, but Fen was still as tired as can be. But, it made sense. He hadn't rested all of yesterday like most of the town had decided to do.

Fen had worked hard yesterday in the one thing he hated to do. Assassinate. It had angered Fen to think that he was murdering an innocent life yet again, but he knew that it was the only way a better life would come for himself and his sister Faraday. The fact that bothered Fen the most though, was that Gold had been close to Alice. It didn't seem fair to take away Gold's loved ones. Especially due to the fact that he was becoming close with the blonde-haired fearless woman. It was easy to get the job done, really. He had almost immediately found his subject. She was a vulnerable old woman who lived in the centre of the town.

But when he had killed her, it felt different from everyone else he had managed to bury into the ground. He didn't know why.

Nolan, one of his closest friends (despite being an assassin), was the one that killed Alice. It had taken Fen many restless nights, to know that he couldn't kill her. He would usually push past the guilt, but this time it was different. This time there was Gold. Fen knew that killing Alice needed to be done, that either way David would find a way to assassinate Alice, but he decided he would not be the one to slice the old woman's throat. Nolan was happy to oblige and Fen had even offered half of the reward.

He asked Nolan to do it swiftly as well, so as to not let Alice suffer. Nolan was quick to kill her, yet Fen could not stop thinking about it. If Gold knew of his life, she would surely be disgusted, mortified. Fen did not want Gold to think of him as a beast, but really, what could he do about it? He needed to keep killing so that he would not be killed.

Fen realized that was really the game in his life; kill or be killed.

Fen woke up later in the afternoon. He had gotten almost no sleep in the last 48 hours and although his body was still sore from all the activity he had gotten, his mind had cleared up. Taking a few moments to fully wake up, Fen lied in his bed staring at the white ceiling.

Faraday was sitting down in the living room, when Fen walked out of his bedroom, reading a book from her endless shelves in the library. It was her enjoyment in life. She hadn't noticed Fen enter the room and Fen left her to continue reading. He walked towards the kitchen and started to make himself something to eat.

Potatoes were nearly falling out of the cabinet in the kitchen, so Fen began to peel the skin after setting water to boil on top of the stove. Fen rather enjoyed cooking, although it had been a long time since he was able to do so. Faraday always seemed to be the one in the kitchen making food.

He sliced the potatoes and placed them in the pot gently. He did the same for some carrots and broccoli. After a few minutes the sweet scent of vegetable soup was wafting through the small house. He placed two bowls filled with the steaming brew down at the table, and eventually Faraday sat down. They silently ate, occasionally bringing up a conversation. When they were done, Faraday went back to reading on the sofa, while Fen wore his jacket and decided to head out.

He was dying to see Gold ever since that amazing night they spent together at Diamara. But Fen wanted — rather needed — some time alone. To clear his mind from the obvious distractions that had started to live there. He wanted to test himself. To see if Gold would occupy his mind even from the absence. No such luck. She had permanently been in his mind since the day they met.

The tavern where Gold lived was busy with people. Fen expected it though; Alice, the owner, was dead. The entrance to the diner was crowded, so Fen was able to slip into the main entrance of the inn. He walked to Gold's apartment door and knocked.

He thought about what would happen in training today. A small part of him thought Gold would take his anger out on him. Fen wanted to be there for her. Alice and Gold were quite close from what he had briefly observed, so he knew Gold would be affected by her death. Thinking about it... maybe he shouldn't have come after all. The old lady was killed yesterday; maybe Gold needed time to herself. It was too late now.

After a minute of having knocked at the door, there was no answer. He tried again, this time calling out her name. Moments passed until Fen finally heard the door unlocking. He was about to smile at the woman standing in front of him, until he saw the expression on her face.

Gold looked distraught and it nearly broke Fen himself to see her like this. He took a step towards her, without thinking, and placed a hand on her cheek. Her eyes were puffy and red, clearly a sign that she had been crying. Her hair was a mess, but not the way she usually kept it. Fen knew that Gold was broken inside. The usually organized and tightly- bound woman that he had grown so accustomed to, had turned into the opposite. He knew she craved warmth and understanding.

Fen held her as he walked her to the bed; one of the only places to sit in the small apartment. He made sure he was well seated, then walked to the kitchen to grab water. He knew it would allow her to calm down. She willingly drank the water and finally fully looked at him.

"Gold...are you alright?" He asked the question even though he knew she was not.

She shook her head. "Alice...she died. She was killed — assassinated." She took a deep breath and continued, "I haven't been honest with you. My family — they were killed as well. The same way. I was the only one to survive in my family. I was all alone until I met Alice, and now she is dead too. And I'm not sure if I can deal with everything that is going on in my life." She looked at him with tears welling up in her eyes.

Fen did not know how to react to Gold's words. Was he the one that killed Gold's family? It was very likely. He had killed many people in the five years that he had assassinated. Fen said nothing, but instead reached in and hugged her. Gold froze for a moment, evidently shocked by his actions, but eased in to his touch. "You're one of the strong ones Gold. Don't ever forget that. You're alive for a reason."

She sighed deeply into his chest. Fen wasn't usually good at comforting people, but everything about Gold felt natural to him. He enjoyed the way her arms wrapped around his body. "I honestly don't know what I would do without you Fen. Maybe you're here with me for a reason." Her words warmed Fen. He said nothing else as they sat there together.

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word count: 1298