„Don't you dare to take it again!" she said to me. Honestly, I don't care about her opinions anymore. She hurt me a lot these past months, she knows it, but still acts like she doesn't. I'm sick of our fights but I'm not gonna hold my tongue when she is constantly insulting me. Every single fight had only one reason. Me being straight. Me being in love with him and not with her. They both made me happy but he was special. He introduced me to that. That thing was amazing. When we were doing it, it was crazy, it was illegal and that's why I enjoyed it. Lovely Mary Jane. „Don't worry baby, don't you cry, as long as we keep getting high." This quote was my favorite, since he was saying it every time I was sad because of her.
Another day, another fight. More marijuana in my body, more happiness in my life. I spent the whole day with him, without thinking about her. The only thing that was on my mind was his body. His abs were honestly killing me. While we were getting high she called me. I wasn't replying. I just wasn't in mood for another pointless fight. I was feeling as right as rain without her. Okay, I'm lying. I really missed her. Even though I didn't reply. But I just couldn't because he was right there. I had to leave. As soon as possible. I had to see her.
We met at her flat. She was quite calm which was kinda weird. Something is really wrong right now. Normally she would be cheesed off. I don't understand it. She gave me this sad look saying she would be back in a few minutes. I was sitting on the floor, thinking about everything. She came back with gloves on her hands, with something in her back pocket. I didn't know what to say, I was confused. She took a deep breath and started talking: „I have to do this, you made me to do it." „I begged you for months and all you did was talk about that jerk. He treats you like a slut and you let him because maybe you like to be treated like that. But then, I was here all the time and you didn't care about it. Now it's over, you deserve this and it's your fault. I definitely don't care about you anymore." That was the moment when she took a gun from her pocket, pulled the trigger and shot me. At the end of the day I totally understand it. It was my fault.
-EJP 2015
