Damaged

25 | uncertainity

Once my hair has been cleaned and detangled, I wash my body and apply some shower gel onto my skin. I turn the faucet off after the unusually long shower and feel that my nerves have dissipated a bit.

I walk into my closet space and sit down on the couch in the middle of the room while contemplatively looking at my clothes. What am I supposed to wear? This isn't a date or a party or whatever, bu a kinky hang out.

Holy shit.

it's a booty call.

The realization of the situation hits me and I frown. What the fuck have I come to? What happened to the standards and self-respect I used to have? I would've normally scoffed if someone gave me a booty call, i'm better than that.

But this is no normal situation, I remind myself and I frown. It has to be this way, nobody can know about us, about this. He would loose his job. I would loose my life.

"Ugh!" I scream in frustration at the questions in my head.

Stop overreacting, don't loose control.

Standing up from the velvet couch, I grab a pair of black skinny jeans and a black turtleneck shirt. I put the items of clothing on and then grab a military green jacket with a fur hood on it. I blow dry my hair and put a bit of makeup on, applying only a bit of concealer and mascara, nothing too strong.

I grab a black purse from my rack and place my cell phone, keys and wallet inside. The marble stairs echo as I go downstairs and I smell the aroma of food while dinner is being served. I walk into the dining room and i'm surprised to see dad there, sitting alongside mom.

"I'm leaving," I announce and look at them.

My father glances up at me and frowns, his blue eyes serious, "Going out in a school night?"

"She has a school project to do," mom replies for me as I continue to look at his face.

"Well, make sure you do everything you need to do," he tries to give me a small smile and I continue to stare blankly at his face. Whatever.

"Sure. Goodbye," I turn on my heels and cross the foyer towards the garage. My car beeps as I unlock it and I jump inside, starting the motor. I drive out into the driveway and then into the night after the gates open.

There are a few cars on the road as I drive towards his place in the town centre. My stomach decided to act up again and I feel the nervousness creeping inside of me. The excitement is laced through my worries, the emotion spiking my blood and making me feel like i'm on some sort of high.

Soon enough, I arrive at his apartment building and I park on the other side of the road on an empty spot. I turn the car off and sit in the dark, the sudden quietness heavy in contrast to before. I drum my fingers against the steering wheel and then hold my hands together over my lap. I close my eyes.

I should go home.

I shouldn't be here.

The rational part of me is screaming to get the hell away from here, but the irrational side begs to differ. It felt amazing in the darkroom. He wants you, he admitted it. He's the sexiest man you've ever seen and he's lusting over you. You should do it.

"What the hell," I mutter and step outside into the freezing cold with a leap of faith. I slam the door shut and walk towards the building with my hands on my pockets.

Taking a deep breath, I climb the flights of stairs that leads to his floor and then stand in front of his door. Before I can chicken out I knock on the door three times and wince at the loud sound my knuckles make against the wood.

It feels like my heart is about to explode in my chest as I stare at the bare wooden door. I hear sounds coming from inside and my leg jumps up and down, my heart beating frantically as I wait. It seems like forever in the corridor. Maybe he doesn't want to answer, my mind tells me and I feel my stomach fall.

Then, the door suddenly opens wide and he's standing there on all his glory. His hair is messy and disheveled and green eyes bright as ever, looking serious under the light. My heart stops as I look at the smirk that lifts a corner of his face.

"Come in," He steps aside while never breaking eye contact with me, and as I brush against him as I go inside I feel the finality of my decision.

I'm here by choice. Whatever happens here between us, i'm up for it.