Confessions

The Time Bomb

...Mental Time Bomb...

Sounds so strange doesn't it?

Yet it effects everyone... Everyone has one planted in their mind.

Today I was alone at home and I couldn't stop thinking. I didn't even know what to think about. I just kept replaying memories and felt unhappy. I was just overwhelmed with random negative emotions that I couldn't stop. That I can't stop. I decided to just write down what I was feeling as if I'm talking to someone like a crazy person, and I surpised myself by writing :

"I struggle dealing with myself
It's like my mind is a infinite time bomb and I can't stop it.

I know it wil explode and my thoughts, feelings, memories and insecurities wil hit like a wave crashing over me.

Yet, it always hits me when I least exspect it. It hits me with such force at the most unexspected time, that my mood drops that very second.

The time bomb explodes
And the worste part is that it never ends
And I can't ever prepare for it"

I am quite proud at myself for putting it like this, because it really does feel like that...

a Time Bomb has a little timer that counts down the time until it wil explode. And you know it wil explode. In our mind it's the same.

You know it wil explode but we subconsciously don't ever look at that time, because can't look at it.
We have this tendency to try to fix that time bomb, so that we add a little more time until it explodes.
a Little more time until we explode and breakdown.
a Little more time to keep ourself happy.

We can't look at that time, because we wil get stressed, worried, anxious and before you know it, the time is up

It explodes

Negative emotions are let loose in our minds

But the thing is, we just know it wil happen and that it wil happen when we're alone.

You can have the best time in the world. You can be at a party and feel so so happy, but when you go to the bathroom, the bomb goes off... You look at yourself and there is absolutely no reason for that bomb to explode but those feelings came back, sadness just spreads through you and your mood drops...

The most random object, song, subject or thought can trigger that Time Bomb to go off.

Unfortunately we can't stop that Time Bomb in our head, it wil always tick down

Honestly, I wish people don't say Happiness is a choice because with the infinite Time Bomb in our head, we never have happiness for long. I for one feel so much worse than before because if happiness is a choice, then am I not trying hard enough for it?

Most of you reading this can agree.

People with mental illnesses like depression, anxiety and exc. wil definitely agree, because their time bombs explodes more often than others and lasts so much longer...

...

We all have Mental Time Bombs

We all break down sometimes

So if you ever randomly feel depressed, sad, worthless, unwanted or more... then your
time bomb exploded

Don't think that you're crazy

My first confession is that this happens to me all the time.

And sometimes it doesn't have a reason, it just happens, but when it explodes, another time bomb starts again...

And another bomb wil explode

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Alan Walker ~ Alone

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