Thoughts

Us V.S. Them

We live lives of lies, fake smiles and forced laughter. No one knows what goes on in the back of our minds. No one knows the pain we go through. We don't tell them. We push away any help until they go away. We don't think we deserve them. We don't think we deserve happiness. We don't think we deserve life. But they know we do. We hate them for being happy. We hate them for trying to help. We hate them for leaving us alone. We drown our sadness in our music and long sessions of silently thinking. We try to stop the thoughts. Sometimes we document them. Writing them on poems or drawings that we don't let them see. We make ourselves an island. They are the mainland. There is an ocean separating us.We keep it that way, forcing ourselves to believe we like it that way. But we secretly hate it. We wish someone will come in and save us but we hate anyone who tries. We fall into a cycle of seclusion fear and depression. We want it to end but we can't. The thoughts don't go away. We are tired but we refuse to sleep. We ache for people to understand us but we don't let anyone know what goes on. We stop doing anything that makes us happy. We stop feeling. We can only feel pain in our grey world. We wear clothing as devoid of color as our brains. We fall to sleep listening to electric guitars and screaming voices because they subside the thoughts and dreams.