Current Pain

losing someone.

It hurts you know.
You can't just "move on."
It's just not that easy.
It hurts because you can't just move on from such pain that once made you happy.
You want to hold on instead of letting go
Just because you still have hope that they'll reach back.

You still have hope that they're holding on.
You still have hope that even though they let you fall into a pit of darkness & despair,
That maybe they can help you get out and help you see light.

Only now you must realize that it's not like that.

Now you realize you're stuck.
Now you realize your hope is being wasted.
Now you realize you're fucked.

Simply because you're deeper than you knew you were.
And the hope just created lies and unrealistic dreams for you. You have hope, but lost reality.

It's like you're physically fine to the public,
Yet in your mind you've gone madder than the hatter.

Now your hope means nothing,
because you hoped for so long,
now you're lost.
And it hurts.
A lot.
And there's nothing you can do because you caused it.
You told yourself to let go,
but they convinced you to hold on even longer.

Even when your palms got sweaty,
And arms became weak,
You learn to tighten your grip.

You didn't notice your mistake at first.
Little do you know,
you were only hurting yourself.

You knew getting close to someone would cause pain. Not nearly as much as it did.

You knew that friends aren't for you,
Because you won't be here soon.
Hopefully permanently
Without hurting anyone.
Because no one knew
No one knew you were so broken,
But no one cared enough to see the tears that stained your face.
No one cared to realise that when you lost that person,
You lost yourself.

You're so good at hiding pain
That's the best you do. 
Cuts on your body can make an appearance here and there,
But no one says a word.
No one sees that you've began losing yourself to the Devils .

That you lost your battle.
No one sees that you don't care no more to see the day of the next.
No one cares that you wish your breathe before the last was your very last. 

Like no one cares about you.
But you understand why.
You don't care about you.
And that's the reason why.