I walk back to the fence defeated. They walk me up to the grade level office, somehow I'm okay. When I use to get in trouble I would cry. Even at such little things at having trouble finishing my essays tears would begin to well up in my eyes.
Now I feel loose. Like I could do anything so I strut my way down the hallways and up the stairs looking at everyone , in my head I'm saying do you see me now look at me I'm bad notice me. I just want to show what I can do and that I'm not just the quiet girl In the corner of the classroom. We arrive to the grade level I stare at the kids sitting in the office once again I think look at me I'm bad like you. Do I just want to feel like the cool kids? The kids who always are being yelled at or being sent out of the room but keeping everything calm cool and collected.
"This is as far as we take you" the male security guard says in his gruff voice as he turns around and leaves me in the hands of the school behavioral physiatrist. They just deal with the bad kids and their punishments , I never thought I'd be here but I kind of like it. I smirk. "Sit down mrs. Dubinsky will be with you soon." The lady at the desk tells me.
I sit and swing my feet back and forth with my hands under me. "Eva come in" I get up and bounce my way into her room. "Wassup" I say sitting down. "What happened today Eva?" She asks. I say " I didn't want to be in school so I left." I giggle finding it funny. She basically tells me that she can't let me go home on the bus because she can't get ahold of my parents on the phone because they only have my old phone numbers. We sit in that room coloring I lean over the desk close to her and chat smiling every second, I feel no fear. They say my ride is here . I jump up and go to the white truck prepared for me.
The car ride was some what bearable. I hear voices on the man in the front seats Walkie talkie. Someone is trying to leave The school , she didn't get as far as me she stopped in the main office apparently. I want to be her , my rush is gone. I want the rush again. I look over to the car door I keep thinking I should just jump out, I think this every car ride so I have to sit on my hands to stop myself.
The car pulls up to my house I nonchalantly walk up to the second door and creak it open. I smile "hello mother" , everything went on from there they didn't punish me and my life went on back to its normal routine the same classes everyday same haunting thoughts. I just wait for the next break the next rush waiting for me.
