Awake | Wattys Winner!

TWELVE: belief

It was almost too good to be true. I knew that had our situations been reversed, I'd have taken days, weeks maybe, to believe it.

"We need to leave. All of us." His voice was determined.

"All of us?" I asked frantically. "Like, the whole group of us?"

He nodded, rising from his seat and pacing around the kitchen. "We can convince them. You can help them remember - like you did to me."

It was all happening so fast. "Isaac, I don't know if I can do that. I don't even know what I'm doing. He said there was a price."

"A price?"

I hesitated. "That's why he makes them kill people. So he can get the power he needs to control more. To control his own mind too."

"It's a balance," he summarised. His eyes were wild now, and his pacing was growing faster. Muttered words spilled from his lips, but I couldn't quite make out what they were.

"I'm sorry for telling you," I said suddenly, realising how selfish the move was. "I shouldn't have gotten you involved, but I can't keep doing this alone, and Bel and Gia - he owns them, he's already got them completely under control. Gia, she... she killed someone."

The reality of my words hit me like a truck, and I grabbed the counter for support.

"Holy shit," he said, pausing in his pacing to run both hands through his hair. "I don't know what to do. We need to tell someone."

"Who?" I said. "We can't tell anyone - he'll either come for us or just wipe it from their minds. He might even have some kind of protection in case that happens, what if he makes them do something horrific? He has complete control over them, Isaac, and I don't know if I can overpower that."

"How many dashes did you say?"

"What?"

"How many dashes were on his board?"

My heart dropped. "Seven."

"And why has nobody reported seven people missing? Why hasn't anyone searched for them - for their bodies?"

"Because he's controlling them," I said, furthering my point. "He has everything and everyone under control."

"I don't know how to believe this," he said.

"I didn't either. Not until... not until Evan."

We fell into silence.

"Do you think he's okay?"

I shifted my weight uneasily. "I don't know. I didn't notice the dashes until after... he'd lost a lot of blood."

He was silent for a moment, his expression grim. "My memories... they're horrifying."

I blinked rapidly, unable to ignore the sense of companionship it gave me to know he remembered too. The bones snapping beneath the boy on our first day. It wasn't something I could have risked with Bel or Gia, both because they'd regularly been attending Conrad's lectures and also because they weren't quite as strong. Well, maybe Gia could be. But she was also the one that had killed for him.

"I don't know how to tell her," I said. "Gia."

He paused in thought. "You can't ever let her know. It would kill her, to know she... she ended someone's life."

The picture pressed the air from my lungs. I was being crushed.

The burden I'd shared with him was already taking its toll. His already pale skin was ghost-like, and his fingers were shaking as they clawed at his forearms. I walked towards where he'd frozen, feeling an overwhelming wave of gratitude.

"I'm sorry," I said, "You didn't have to come into this mess but I made you. It was selfish. You hardly know me, I've just dumped this on you and you probably think I'm half-crazy and maybe I am-"

He silenced me by pulling me towards him, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. The embrace instantly triggered my emotions, and a reluctant sob rumbled through my chest.

"I don't know what is real, but I want to know," he said into my hair. "I need to know. I've always been like that, Aspen, and I want to help. I don't want you to deal with this alone - this mess. We need to get out of here. Even if we can't save anyone, we can save as many as possible."

Another sob accompanied my first, and for the first time since I'd remembered, I felt safety, even if it was a delusion cast by the warmth of Isaac's body.

"I can help convince them," I said. "I can do everything I can."

A silence prevailed, and gradually my breathing slowed against his chest.

"How do I know what's real?"

I thought about that. About the likelihood that Conrad was able to somehow control him from afar. Could he work out that I told him? That I was trying to protect my friends?

"I'll always remind you," I said after a moment. "Just come back to me. I'll make sure he doesn't take you too."

His grip tightened around my shoulders. I gave a silent prayer that this was real. That he really was believing me. He had believed so quickly, and regained composure fast rather than falling into hysterics of fear. I'd never believed to begin with that he'd be able to humour me far enough to understand.

Had that been me that made him so quick to wrap his mind around it all? Had me begging him to understand compelled him to understand? Could I afford to stretch my sanity even further?

As his hand worked patterns over my back I decided I could. Maybe I should have told someone - told him- ages ago. Maybe everything could be okay. We could save our friends. Maybe, from afar, we could stop him.

I just wasn't sure if it was possible to get past him to begin with.