Monster

What Could Have Been

DISCLAMER: I do not own The Immortal Instruments series!

I could feel the piercing of a cold blade driving deep within my chest.
"Well that's an interesting way of showing your love towards me," I cackle glancing down at the shocked expression painted across Clary's face.
I grabbed the hilt of the sword that was buried into my chest and slowly dragged it out, throwing it across the room. Did you really think that was going to stop me--"
Suddenly I felt a burning sensation spreading out across my chest. What is this feeling? I let out a scream of agony falling to my knees clutching my chest.  The heat traveling throughout my veins sent pings of pain crackling up and down my body. A fierce glow of light erupted from the slice in my chest wrapping around my body. The soft glow soon grew into ravishingly flames growing like wildfire, engulfing me in it's clutches. Screams and cries burst from my dry throat echoing off the hollow walls of my Throne Room.  My  body felt as if the fire was slowly evaporating my soul, destroying it until there's nothing left of me but a hollow shell.
Moments later the flames began to die down, and slowly the burning pain in my chest began to subside. I laid limply on the cold, hard ground watching as the once fierce fire was now a dimmed spark fading away into nothing. My eyes drifted shut as I inhaled deeply, feeling the cool, dry air fill my lungs.
To my surprise my chest felt light and airy, the dead weight that had always been pressed against it was no longer there. I felt...free like a puppet being cut from it's strings as a sweet warmth bubbled deep within my chest. It was nice and pleasant, something I've never experienced before.  Is this the feeling of...what's the word?  Happiness!? No, I couldn't be happy. I'm heartless, cruel, a monster even, I'm Sebastian Morgenstern....right? Suddenly a bright light flashed behind my eyelids sending me spiraling into a pit of darkness.

    I woke up to find myself lying on a creaky, worn down wooden floor staring up at dim lights glowing from oil lamps placed around the room looking like wisps in the night. The room looked old and deserted as a misty fog danced low to the ground giving out a nice eerie feel. Cracks ran up the walls spiraling out in many  directions reminding me almost of a spider's web. I looked closer at the far wall ahead of me to notice a set of green picture frames scattered across the wall. Curiosity got the best of me as I made my way over to the photos, stopping right in front of then to get a good look.
The first picture was of a happy family sitting on a grassy hill in the summer sun.  The mom had long, red wavy hair that rested against her pale, bare shoulders. Freckles dotted the bridge of her nose trailing down to her rosy cheeks. Along with her freckles were bright green eyes paired up with a huge toothy grin that glowed with love and happiness. She was joined along with her husband's strong arms wrapped around her waist.  His hair was a pale white almost like mine, and his deep, dark brown eyes could have fouled anyone for thinking they were black. Their faces looked so familiar as if I had known them for all my life but I could have sworn that I've never seen them before. I could feel a slight nagging at the back of my head telling be that something wasn't right.
Shaking off the odd feeling, my eyes focus back onto the picture eyeing the two kids playing in the background. The older brother who looked no older than seven had his little red headed sister sitting upon his shoulders playing with the fluffy, white locks of his hair. She looked no older than four with her wide green eyes and freckles coated face. Her face held a look of laughter and joy along with her brothers, making my chest ache in longing for that kind of bond with Clary. The siblings actually kind of reminded me a lot of Clary and I, but I knew that they would never be us. Clary despised me with a deep hatred and would rather have me dead then as her brother.
Though a question still remained nagging at me "Who's family is that?"

"Jonathan!" A faint whisper echoed in the darkness sending shivers down my spine.
"Who's Jonathan?" I mumbled to myself pondering on the name.
"I am!" A deep joyful voice answered from the far right corner of the room causing me to turn towards the long, shadowy figure lounging elegantly in a blood, red cushioned chair. His fingers gripped onto the arms of the chair helping him hoist himself up onto his two feet. Then slowly he took a step forward into the glow of light radiating down from a small oil lamp, showing off his appearance to me.
He was tall and slim, looked about the same age as me. He had soft, short, white ruffled hair that stopped at his neck, and bangs that fell upon his forehead framing his face. His pale, ivory skin looked cold to the touch but his face gave off a warm and trusting demeanor.
The resemblance to me was freaky, it was like looking through a mirror. Though there was something off about him that separated the two of us, it was those dark, forest green eyes staring back at me. His irises were flooded with so much emotion. It was like staring into the gateway of his soul.  They were filled with wonder, joy, hope....and life.
"Or should I say we are!"he added leaving me even more confused.
"Want are you talking about? My name's Sebastian Morgenstern not Jonathan."
I watched as the man or 'Jonathan' slowly crept his way over in my direction, the floorboards creaking with each step till he was about an inch away from me. His lack of distance left me a little uncomfortable as his green eyes bored into my pitch black ones. A warm, playful smirk pulled at the edge of his lips as he neared my face.
"That's what you think!"
    Now my mind was moving at 90 miles per hour trying to process what he was hinting to me, the next thing I know, Jonathan pulls back his hand ready to strike me at any moment. I squeeze my eyes shut awaiting impact of his hand with my chest, that soon never came. My eyelids fluttered open in search of what was going on, I glanced down at my chest to find a transparent hand going through it.
"What's going on? What are you doing to me?" I shouted frantically at him, my heart rate raising at an astonishing speed.
"You'll find out soon," he answered giving me a trusting look just before he pulled the rest of him into my body, morphing us into one person. Once he and my body had successfully joined together, a bright spark ignited around me sending a wave of dizziness to hit, pulling my body to the ground. The room spun around causing consciousness to leave me again.