DRIFTED |Harry Styles|

CHAPTER 28

The week rushed by after our visit to Luke. The shop remained closed during that time, so they could renovate the entire thing. They repainted the walls in a vibrant, dark shade of crimson. The broken, marble countertop was replaced by a new, black one, giving the shop a sophisticated look. All the broken china was also replaced, along with a brand new, silver-colour coffee machine, tables and chairs.

I spent the whole week worrying about not being able to pay my bills, since I didn't work any of the days that the shop was closed, consequently reducing my income considerably. Not getting paid for a week and not getting tips would definitely affect my half payment of the rent. I could only hope Ana would be able to lend me the money, especially because I've been spending more time in Harry's apartment than ours.

Obviously, Harry was well aware of what I was going through, despite my best attempts to hide it and dodge his questions of 'if I needed any money' or about 'how was I going to pay my rent if I wasn't working'. However, after a lot of nagging and pestering, I told him that I was hoping Ana would consider our years of friendship and lend me some money.

Two days after that, when I was about to pay for the pizza Harry and I ordered, I 'magically' found a large amount of cash stacked inside of my wallet. Harry claimed he had nothing to do with that, but I knew better. I couldn't decide if I was going to give him an earful of how I didn't want him to spend his money with me or an amazing, long night of hot sex, that we were both missing.

Deciding on the later one, but still reprehending him for doing what he did, Harry and I moved to his bedroom. I knew how frustrated he was feeling, since every time we tried to have sex, I couldn't go through with it. It wasn't because of Harry, he was amazing and gentle, and each time something like that happened, I only found out how wonderful and patient he was.

However, the memories from that night didn't seem to be leaving my head anytime soon. I was still haunted by them, I was still waking up at night screaming and panting, feeling Niall's touch on my body, I was still afraid of being left alone – except this time I was actually horrified and having panic attacks if I'd simply go to the bathroom alone – I was trying to get better for myself and for Harry, but I just couldn't find it in me the will of being intimate with someone.

After each attempt, Harry kept assuring me that it was fine and that he understood what I was going through, so he didn't want to push me into doing something I didn't feel comfortable with. He was so understanding and incredible that I didn't even know where this new Harry was coming from. Three months ago, he would never have cared about someone like that, he would only care about himself and if he was getting some.

That only made me feel guiltier for not being able to give him what he wanted, but I just physically couldn't. First of all, I wasn't the type of person who had one-night stands and, surprisingly enough, I had one with Harry, which happily turned out to the best, still, I needed that connection and trust to be intimate with someone and being forced into having sex, being violated, humiliated, beaten up an raped, ended up messing with my head more than I wanted and expected to.

Even so, Harry kept by my side, waking me up from my nightmares and calming me down during my panic attacks. The day I went back to work, Harry followed me and stayed there the entire time. Each day that followed, he'd always go with me, he'd sit at the same table, order the same coffee and work on his laptop until it was time for us to go.

I felt so safe and protected, I was becoming each day more dependent on Harry and that scared me. It scared me because I didn't know for how long I'd be haunted by unwanted memories, I didn't know for how long I wouldn't be able to be intimate with him again, I didn't know how bad my panic attacks would grow into and I was absolutely terrified that he would leave me.