The One with Joey and Chandler

Chapter 4

2211 words
Chandler
"We need a new idea," Joey said to us. Phoebe was going to meet us here in 20 minutes, and so far we'd come up with half a plan. We knew we wanted it to be all weekend, and that was it.
"Hey, how about Atlantic city?" Ross suggested. All of us nodded our heads in agreement, saying that we would tell Phoebe to pack and then meet back up with us in an hour.
She seemed to like this idea much more than my flop of an idea. I was excited, especially after realising that Joey and I would have our own room.
We ran up the stairs to our apartment, both of us eager to pack up quickly.
We were both done in 15 minutes.
We walked from our rooms into the living room.
"So, Joey, you want to..." I patted the couch and raised my eyebrows.
He laughed and looked at the ground before walking over. I started kissing him tenderly before things started to heat up. I let him take over, deciding that I wanted him to lead. We fell back onto the couch and got right down to it.
****
"Joe, we still have five minutes."
"Yeah, but you have sex hair that you should probably fix."
I got up and went to the bathroom.
"Joe, what did you do?"
He leaned on the door frame and shrugged.
"What can I say? The Joey love can't be tamed."
I groaned and put my face in my hand.
"You're the worst."
"We both know I'm the best. Here, let me help you."
He grabbed my shoulders and turned me towards him before combing his hands through my hair. Weirdly, it felt more intimate than our previous activities.
He looked really cute when he was concentrating. He wrinkled his brows slightly and parted his mouth a little bit.
"What are you smiling about?" He asked.
"Nothing, you just look really cute when you concentrate."
He stopped touching my hair and looked at me.
"I'm done. I think it looks better now."
I looked in the mirror. It did look significantly better.
"Thanks, Joe."
"No problem. It's weird, you know? No one's ever called me cute before."
"Really?"
"Well, I guess when I was a kid, my mom and her friends would call me cute, but I've never been called cute by my- by someone I'm seeing."
I wondered for a moment what he was originally going to say before we heard Monica calling our names.
****
"Phoebe, we have to get you to the hospital!"
"Hey, Pheebs, high-five for the babies coming!"
Phoebe and Rachel high fived.
"Oh, remember when my water broke?"
We all cheered before rushing Phoebe out the door. Joey was walking weirdly, so I stayed behind with him.
"You okay, Joe?"
"Yeah, I just keep feeling like I have to pee."
"Didn't you just go before Phoebe got here?"
"Yeah, it's probably nothing, let's just go."
I was concerned, but I decided to let it be.
****
We all got there at the same time, making sure Phoebe got a private room. One of the nurses went up to Ross and whispered something while Phoebe was being pushed in on a gurney.
"Uh, Pheebs, the reason your doctor isn't here is because she isn't coming."
After Phoebe yelled about her doctor being stupid, she met the substitute doctor. He was okay, just weirdly obsessed with Fonzie.
This was also when Joey was showing the newspaper to his camera, which Ross was holding. I guess he took it out of his bag for Atlantic City before we left.
"Now, if you like girls, look at this!"
He showed the latest playboy.
"Here's what naked women looked like the day you were born."
I laughed and shook my head.
"Ooh, oh God, I'm having my first contraction! Oh, it's not that bad."
Joey came over to the bed and stood next to me.
"Ow!" Joey shouted, grabbing his lower back.
"Oh! It's sympathy pain, that's so sweet!"
"I didn't know I cared that much." Joey said, still clutching his back in pain.
****
Joey and I had gone over to the vending machine to get a snack after his second bout of "sympathy pain."
"Joe, you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah, I just-OH CRAP!"
I grabbed onto him and he leaned on me heavily for support.
"Can we get some help over here?" I shouted.
A nurse brought over a wheelchair and took him into a room to get a gown and get x-rayed. I waited outside nervously. They then brought him into a small room with a bed and let me in to see him.
"Joe? You okay?"
"No, not really, the doctor should be coming in-"
"Ah yes, Joey Tribbiani!" The doctor put the x-ray up on the light box. I could see little white spots just around his bladder area.
"Mr. Tribianni, it looks like you have kidney stones!"
He looked at me worriedly, then back at the doctor.
"What else could it be?"
"Kidney stones."
"Or..."
"Kidney stones."
"Well, what can I do about them?"
"Usually, we'd use shock waves to try and break them up, but they're too close to the bladder. We can either wait for them to pass, or go up the urethra-"
"WHOA! Nothing is going up anything! Up is not an option! What's a urethra?"
What a goofball.
I leaned in close and explained what it was quietly, and his reaction of horror was absolutely priceless.
"What is the matter with you?!" He yelled at the doctor.
"Well, it will take a while for them to pass, and I've got other patients to attend to. There's a bucket next to you if you need to vomit."
"Thank-wait, what?"
But the doctor had already gone, saying something about being back in 2 minutes.
Joey looked at me sheepishly. "You know, you can go if you want."
"Nah, I don't have anywhere better to be."
I smiled at him, and he managed to reciprocate despite how much pain he was in. My phone began to ring shortly afterwards though, and the moment was over.
"Hello?"
"Chandler, it's Ross. Where are you and Joey?"
"Oh, turns out he has kidney stones. He'll be okay; I'll stay here with him."
"You sure? I mean, I can find you guys and-"
"No, it's okay. You stay with Phoebe. We'll meet up with you later." I hung up.
Joey grabbed the bucket and buried his face in it. I heard him retch, which made me cringe. Less because it grossed me out, but more because it sounded very painful. I rubbed his back.
"There you go, buddy, just let it out."
He finished, and set the bucket on the ground. He wouldn't make eye contact with me, but I kept my hand on his back. Then, the doctor came in with a catheter and a clipboard. He began scribbling furiously. I brought a chair from behind me next to Joey's bed and rubbed his shoulder as I sat down.
"Thanks for staying with me. I just wish you hadn't seen me throw up."
"Joey, I've seen you hungover on New Year's day. This is nothing compared to that." I reassured him.
I just wanted him to be okay.
****
After about an hour, the doctor announced that it was almost time to try peeing, he just needed to put the catheter in. Joey squeezed my hand so tightly that I thought it might come off, but I just let him.
"Get these things out of me! I want the drugs, Chandler!"
"So do I, Joe." I mumbled. My hand really was starting to hurt. Then again, Joey was trying to push pebbles out of his bladder, so I wasn't one to talk.
After another hour of screaming and nearly breaking my hand, he finally seemed to relax. He was sweaty, but it looked like some of the colour was returning to his face. The doctor took the catheter out, and Joey let go of my hand. I tried to subtly massage it in my lap, but Joey noticed.
"Oh God, Chandler, I'm sorry."
"Don't apologise! Seriously, I'll be fine."
He smiled at me before taking my hand in his. He held it gently and kissed the back of it.
The doctor turned around from his table, holding a little container with the stones in it.
"Would you like to see them?"
"Wow, they're so small!"
I smiled at him. I was really glad he was okay.
The doctor took the IV out and told Joey that once he'd taken his painkillers, he was good to go. One of the nurses had brought his clothes in when he was transferred into this room, so he started to undo his hospital gown. I turned away.
"Chandler, it's fine, you've seen me naked before."
"I know, I just thought that you might want some privacy."
He laughed, which made me turn around. He was dressed from the waist down, and was just pulling his shirt on. Once he'd slipped on his shoes, I motioned toward the door. I held it open for him, which caused him to shake his head at me humorously.
"You're such a nerd."
"Yeah, but you like it." I replied cheekily. We went down to the maternity ward, teasing each other the whole walk there.
Joey
"Thank God you guys made it! Phoebe just gave birth to the second baby!"
Just then, Frank came running out of Phoebe's room.
"CHANDLER'S A GIRL!"
I looked at Chandler, who had a very shocked look on his face. It took me a minute to realise that Frank was referring to the baby Chandler, not our Chandler.
"Oh God, kindergarten flashback."
"Chandler's a girl! Chandler's a girl!"
"Okay, keep saying it!"
"They must've read the sonogram wrong, but we have two girls and a boy!"
Coincidentally, this is when Alice came rushing in. It was sweet to see how excited Frank and Alice were about the babies, until the PDA started. The four of us quickly got uncomfortable and went to wait outside Phoebe's room.
Monica, who was ahead of us, shouted after a nurse who walked out the door we were waiting by.
"Bye, Dan!"
I went up to Monica and sat on the gurney outside of Phoebe's room, which she was standing next to.
"He's hot," I commented.
"Yeah he is, Monica smiled, "You stay away from him."
I looked over at Chandler, who was leaning against the wall and pretending not to listen.
"No problem."
****
We all took turns holding the babies, all of them small and red. I was a little scared to hold them, but once I did, I realised that it wasn't so hard. I handed Frank Jr. Jr. to Chandler, and watched him rock the baby and make little cooing noises at him.
"Guys, could I have a minute alone with the babies?" Phoebe asked.
We all nodded, and those of us holding babies set them in her lap before leaving. We went back to the waiting room, all of us exhausted for different reasons.
****
Chandler and I walked into the apartment, or more he half dragged me. I was really tired and a bit loopy.
Chandler's so nice. What a nice person.
"Okay, let's get you into bed." I heard him say.
I giggled at his sentence, and he elbowed my side lightly.
"Get your mind out of the gutter."
I continued to laugh before he let go of me and I wobbled a bit before falling onto my bed.
"Okay, I'm gonna let you rest. The doctor said you should keep drinking water, and to take the painkillers for the next couple of days."
"Mmk."
I sat up, and undressed completely before getting under the covers. Chandler was facing away from me while I undressed, just like in the hospital.
"Okay, Joe, I'll check back up on you later."
"Why don't you stay? It's nighttime anyway."
I could tell I was slurring my speech, but I didn't care. I heard some rustling before Chandler came into bed next to me in just his boxers. He was lying on his back a small distance away. I lazily threw my arm over his chest as I flipped onto my stomach. I was half lying on top of him.
"You're a very good boyfriend, Chandler." I said, before falling asleep.
****
I woke up the next morning in the same position I was in the night before. Chandler was still asleep, so I got up to go to the bathroom. I put my robe on before going. Once I came back, Chandler was sitting up and rubbing his eyes.
"Hey." He said once he'd finished yawning, "you feel better?"
"Yup. Almost 100%."
"That's great."
I sat down next to him and leaned in for a kiss.
"Hey, not fair, you've brushed your teeth!" He exclaimed.
I laughed and leaned in to kiss him anyways. It got heated pretty quickly, and soon after I was lying on top of him. I already felt something on my thigh and started laughing. I pulled away.
"Well, you're eager this morning."
"Sometimes it happens right after you wake up."
"Let's take care of that then."