Tracy

080:

"No, my Bishop said not to talk to you. Not to encourage any more unprofessional contact."

"It was a lapse, honey, a mistake. Why are you beating yourself up over it?"

"Number one..." Tracy cried feeling the rising anger build to a crescendo. "Don't call me honey! I'm not your honey. Number two... that one indiscretion, Richard was wrong. I'm a married woman... I let you... I actually came out, half dressed, way too familiar with a man not my husband."

She took a deep breath. "And I felt something. If I hadn't felt anything, it might have been what you said, practicing. But I felt something. I---." She covered her mouth with her hand and turned away from him.

Every fiber of Richard's being urged him to go to her. Take her in his arms as he had so many times, offering comfort. How could he tell her anything different? If it had simply been practicing maybe... no... one didn't practice that necessarily with a married woman. He had known. There was no backing out of it. There was no comfort here. He'd made a very large mistake. He knew she'd felt something, he'd known all along. It didn't help her to have to say it.

"Have you told Raine?"

"Yes." She said.

"What did he say?"

"He was hurt."

"You told him you came on to me?" He realized she had, she took all the blame, it was how she was.

"I allowed you.... Yes, I came on to you."

"Tracy, that's ridiculous. I took advantage of you, I pushed you, it was not your fault."

He took a step toward her, but she scooted up on the rock, pulling both legs up, as if being on the same ground as him was contaminating her.

"It was late." He said softly staring at her with longing, wanting her to see. "We were tired, talking, in a habit of late nights, like you said, becoming too familiar."

"There's a connection." She whispered through her fingers, her eyes filled with tears.

"The only connection we need to worry about is this. We are friends. That's it, just friends."

"But being friends demands its own recognition Richard. I don't know if I can keep being your friend." She shook her head and tears slipped out of the corners of her eyes. Richard knelt, unable to suppress the instinct to comfort her. He reached out and ran his hand along her cheek, cupping the side of her face. She leaned into his hand, her own coming up to cup his.

"I'm sorry." She cried shaking her head as if negating the contact between them.

"Trace..."

She shook her head vehemently.

Richard swallowed. "Hon-- Tracy." He'd almost said honey again. "Tracy, please..."

"Te—terms." She squeaked. "Terms for the rest of our lives."

He sat back, removing his hand from her face, wondering if it was the last time he'd ever touch her there. She patted the rock next to her and he shifted to sit beside her.

"No more staying together at Austin's."

"Even Park City?"

Her heart sank. "I don't know, but if we do go there... or maybe I should buy a house there myself."

She cleared her throat. "No late nights, no midnight talks."

"In person right, not on the phone?"

"Richard, I don't even think we should talk on the phone."

He nodded, feeling his heart clench painfully. Terms were steep. He nodded. If he could at least keep her in his life as his friend.

"Ever?" He asked.

"Not in the middle of the night." It hurt her to say that too.

"But in the day?"

"I think that would be okay as long as it's not all the time."

"Right." He said in that tone of voice that made her smile.

"And when we go to Hawaii. We have to be careful."

"Why? Why be careful, Trace, it's not going to happen again. You know that. I know that." He protested, seeing the change in their relationship already, she was taking the friendship out of it too. Making them stilted, building a wall around them.

"That might be what you say right now, but." She looked away.

So, he thought, what she's saying is it meant far more to her than she wanted it to, and no matter how hard she tries to relegate it to something else, it won't go. Sounds familiar. That's how I feel, but I'm not torn by guilt the way she is. She's married. She feels she's been unfaithful. Maybe if I felt more like I've been unfaithful... or betrayed somebody. Raine for instance.

"Okay, I accept your terms." He said firmly. "It's back to square one. No tempting fate."

He looked into her eyes as she turned to him and felt the rush of desire clamp it's wicked paw on him anyway, and realized immediately what she was talking about. There was no turning back, or simply moving on.

Tracy looked away-- aware.

Part of her screamed, see it doesn't matter what you say in your head, your heart is leading you somewhere else.

Richard stood up. "A truce then. How about dinner? Tea? It's tea time in England. How about tea and scones?"

He reached for her hand, thought better of it, and let his hand fall to his side.

"I have to go see Steven, he's teething. Monday needs a break. And I promised her. I'm late as it is."

Richard nodded. "Well, then I'll bring the tea and scones to your motel room."

"That would be nice, Danny would love to see you. It's been hard on him to be cooped up." They walked back down the hillside, and stepped onto the dirt road, and back toward the set.

"Why, I thought he visited your mom in the day."

"She works quite a bit." Tracy said.

"Well, in Paris, I'll take you both touring. That'll get him out. There's a fantastic boat ride on the Seine, and we can go to the Louvre, we'll go see the Eiffel Tower, have you been there?"

"Years ago." She said and smiled feeling the warmth of it. It was good to have a friend. Someone who knew you and wanted to spend time with you. Who enjoyed sharing life with you. She had missed having a friend.

"Okay then..." He said and his step was lighter, his whole countenance changed. He seemed much more buoyant.

Tracy felt his freedom from the pain and worry—the constraint. She sighed, letting her heart unclench and relax. She hadn't really even known she'd been clenching it.

******