Black Rose

46.

Chewing down on my bottom lip, I tried to convince myself not to cry. Having him touch me makes me feel uncomfortable. I used to love to feel his skin on mine, but now it makes my anxiety rise. I don't even want to talk to him, but who else do I have to talk to?

"C-can I tell you something?"

The pads of his thumbs wiped underneath my eyes as I found myself crying. How weak am I?

"You can tell me anything."

My chest heaved up and down as my fingers picked at a string on the blanket. His eyes only made me feel worse. Somehow made me feel more vulnerable.

Alex reached for my hand and tangled our fingers together, hoping to calm me down. It didn't work, but I appreciate his sudden affection. His thumbs rubbed small, soothing circles in my knuckles. Shutting my eyes, I tried to steady my breathing but there was no use in doing so.

He has ruined me. He has absolutely ruined me. I'll never get that part of me back again.

My lips trembled as Alex's soothing voice told me everything would be okay. Will everything really be okay? Has anything ever been okay? Probably not. Despite my sudden hatred for men, I still could not find it within myself to hate Alexander. No matter what, I will always love him for some reason. I love him more than I love myself.

"Just say it, you're scaring me Majesty." He frowned.

More tears fell from my eyes as those words left his lips. He mushed his lips together then furrowed his eyebrows. He was lost in confusion, yet eager to know what I have to say.

As the words flowed off of my lips his face took a few detours. His mind seemed to hit a dead end as he didn't double think his next moves.

"P-please don't go." I was now sitting up and holding tightly onto his arm. "I don't wanna be alone."

"Stop it Maj." He grunted, trying to shake me off of him. "He fucking crossed the line now I'ma kill his ass."

"Al-"

"Just fucking stop!" His booming voice caused me to jump. I slowly released my grip on him and met his hard stare. I couldn't fight the tears that fell from my eyes.

He did not only yell at me, he brushed my feelings to the side. Am I really not that important to him? I should never have to beg my own husband to stay with me because I feel unsafe in this large house. Does he not understand that? Or does he just not care? Pursuing in violence will not make him feel better. It will not make me feel better either. He's already limping and on crutches from an injury that's still unknown to me. He feels alright with leaving me alone after knowing what happened? Violence will get him absolutely nowhere!

"Am I just something you flaunt around?" Wiping my tears, I couldn't find it in my heart to look up at him as he put his shoes on. "If you truly cared about me you would not leave me in a place where I feel uncomfortable..."

Alex huffed loudly. "I'm doing this for you."

He slammed the door behind himself, leaving me to feel nothing but pity for myself. It was so easy for someone to walk in and knock me down, considering over half of me was already ruined. He can't rebuild me if he's the one who destroyed me. I can't blame him. I allowed him to. I allowed him to take all of me away. I did anything just to keep him with me.